


Afterlife

by Kamikama



Series: Afterlife [1]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Falling In Love, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kissing, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Mentions of Ash Lynx's Past, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Ash Lynx, Psychological Trauma, Rating May Change, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27216742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamikama/pseuds/Kamikama
Summary: What happens when Death itself wants things to go different?A post-canon story in which Ash Lynx is back and Eiji never went back to Japan. Ash will have to decide whether to give up and go back to Eiji's side or stay away to keep him safe.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: Afterlife [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2045158
Comments: 124
Kudos: 194





	1. The Lynx is Back

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first work ever I dare to publish! I've thought about this concept for some time now, so I decided to finally share it. I hope you like it!

Ash Lynx was never a particularly religious or spiritual person. As far as he knew, God had abandoned him long ago, and it had always been him against the world alone. Now that he had decided to die in that chair inside the library, he wonders why he still has the ability to remember what he did in life. Was this what the afterlife was like? Eternal thought and darkness and… nothingness?

He cannot say he walks or looks at anything because he cannot see his physical body at all. He knows everything around him is dark and apparently empty. Was this Hell? That was a logical answer. After all his sins on Earth, it was expected to be sent to Hell. 

“Aslan Jade Callenreese…” a low and echoing voice interrupted his thoughts pronouncing his name slowly and ceremoniously.

He turned and tried to look at who was speaking, but he could only see a dense cloud of smoke materializing in front of him.

“Who’s there?” he found his voice. If this was life, he would immediately reach behind his back for his gun.

He only got a breathy laugh as an answer.

“WHO’S THERE?” he repeated. He couldn’t help feeling vulnerable and defenseless.

“Ash Lynx indeed…” the deep voice continued “I cannot say it is a surprise to have you here…”

“Where am I? and WHO are you?!” he demanded.

“I always thought you would come to me after in a different way…” the entity continued ignoring the blonde’s questions “…a street fight, a car crash, a bullet straight to your head, torture… the possibilities with you were endless…”

The cloud of smoke started to rearrange itself and it took the shape of a human body. It was no man or woman, but a faceless and genderless entity with a smiling mouth on its head. Its movements seemed unnatural, like it was trying to imitate those of a human after a long time. The being let out a disappointed breath.

“But here you are…” it continued “You decided to die after a lame stab between your ribs. Not even a vital organ was damaged, but you decided to bleed to death. Pathetic, practically suicide…”

It was no secret that Ash was a genius, so it took him only a couple of seconds to know where he was and who he was talking to.

“So you’re Death, right?” he answered his own question “I bet you had been waiting for me to get here for a long time. Sorry to disappoint you, but this is the ending I chose for myself”

“Are you sorry, though?” Death asked being unexpectedly close to Ash in one fraction of a second. “It seems to me you’re pretty satisfied with your decision…” the voice sounded annoyed and even a bit offended.

“I chose how I wanted to die, and I could not make many choices in life” Ash stated, all fear completely gone. “This is what I wanted…” he trailed off.

The dark figure breathed next to him, and then went around him, studying him.

“You chose to die for someone else…” it accused him. “How unexpected…”

He felt something hurt really deep inside him.

Eiji.

He had left Eiji behind and there was nothing to do about it. The entity was right, he had partly died for Eiji. He gave up his life so that Eiji could move on and live a safe and long life. But it was also true that it was a selfish decision. Reading Eiji’s letter was a bliss to his soul, and he wanted that feeling to last an eternity. No matter what happened or what Eiji did, those words would stay with him.

Forever. 

“I don’t like it” the voice continued.

“You don’t like it?” he asked confused.

“You see, Ash…” the figure dissolved into smoke and into a human figure again next to him “I had been waiting for you for what seems an eternity… but now that you’re here you come with something I cannot let you in with….”

“What are you talking about?”

“Another soul”

Ash could swear he heard his own breathing unsteady “I… don’t understand”.

“I’ve waited for you to send you directly to Hell, but it seems that your precious Eiji has given you his own soul”

Now Ash was absolutely positive he could hear his own heart hammering in his ears.

“Eiji…” he breathed trying to assimilate everything at once.

Death turned into smoke again and floated aimlessly around Ash.

“Aaaah…. What to do, what to do!” it repeated with a playful but dangerous low voice. 

After some seconds, it suddenly stopped moving and materialized into a much more sharper form of a human. The smile on its head grew impossibly wider and it came so close to Ash that it was only necessary to whisper for him to hear it.

 _“I know what I will do…._ ” it whispered, savoring each word as it left its lips.

Ash was now slowly recovering each of his senses. He was able to see his hands, just like he had done when he was talking to Blanca in Central Park. He moved his eyes around and swallowed hard. He felt his heart go wild as he felt a cold hand grab his wrist.

“You died for him; I know you can do that…. But can you _live_ for him?” it asked amused. “He gave you his soul… and you brought it down here!” it laughed with a distorted voice and then huffed, looking at Ash straight into his jade eyes.

“I’m going to send you back to life, take away from you the only choice you have ever made upon your life….” there was no sign of amusement anymore.

“Wh-what are you….” he shuddered in disbelief, his eyes going wide.

“...And you will carry his soul with you. You cannot die Ash Lynx… You cannot die or his heart will instantly stop”

The figure went back into its ethereal form and began to encircle Ash.

“You cannot do this!! THIS WAS MY CHOICE!” he screamed now, feeling a rush of anger creep into his back.

He felt himself being lifted from wherever he was, slowly ascending into a faint light.

“EIJI WILL PUT HIS OWN LIFE AT RISK IF HE KNOW I’M STILL ALIVE!”

“Ash Lynx…” the smoke around him muttered “…he will not remember _anything_ about you”

“W-what?” he stammered.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” the smile now unnatural to his eyes.

“I… This is not…”

“Good luck Ash… I’ll visit you soon…” the entity said as the atmosphere grew brighter and brighter, and pushed him one final inch.

“Eiji…” was all he could whisper.

\-----

The first thing he felt was a humid and terrible smell directly into his nostrils. He felt his body resting on something soft, like a bed, but a bad quality one given the metal spring that was poking up his lower back. There was a kind of cloth covering his face and he could feel it even against his eyelashes.

_“I just noticed even your eyelashes are blonde…”_

The familiar voice echoed in his mind and his blood started pumping life into his body. The memories of his conversation with Death started flooding his mind, and he wondered if there was possibility of it being just an agonizing dream. He tried to move his legs but they felt incredibly heavy. He lifted an arm instead and removed the cloth from his face, immediately trying to adjust his vision to the brightness of the room. It was one of their secret hide outs.

There was a sudden and loud crash of something breaking against the floor behind him. He turned around quickly and he felt a sting on the right side of his torso.

“FUCK!” he hissed holding his wound with both hands.

In front of him, Alex was completely paralyzed, a broken mug on the floor.

“No… no… impossible” he said taking a step backwards.

“Alex…” the blond called, almost as surprised as him.

“You… you died…” he said pointing at Ash. “You cannot be alive… you CANNOT” he grabbed his own hair and pulled it.

“Nice to see you too, Alex” he smirked concealing his own panic as he realized his conversation with Death was most likely real. He had died after all.

The blond turned around and set his feet on the ground, sitting on the bed still holding his side. His friend stood there in disbelief for a couple of seconds, until his face slowly went from horror to complete astonishment. But in a good way.

“Ash?” Alex walked forward as his boss stood up.

“Hi Alex…”

“BOSS!”

He hugged Ash briefly before releasing him immediately at the sharp hiss from the blond.

“Lao couldn’t get rid of me that easily…” he half-joked “…but he still got me pretty good. Get me a bottle of whisky and a clean cloth or gauze. You covered me with the nastiest shit you found…”

Ash sat on the bed again as Alex ran to get what he wanted. When he returned, Ash started to clean his own wound.

“Ash… how are you even alive?”

“I’m tougher than you thought I guess…”

“No Ash, you were DEAD. Fucking clinically DEAD” he emphasized.

“Well, I’m talking to you Alex. I’m obviously alive. Besides, Lao didn’t get to any of my vital organs so-”

“How do you know that?” Alex asked in shock “The doctors said that when they took you to the hospital…. You died by exsanguination…”

“Again, I didn’t die Alex”

“But you did!”

“WELL I DIDN’T ASK TO COME BACK!!” he broke suddenly. Alex looked at him in surprise.

“No… you obviously didn’t. Listen Ash, it’s not like I’m not happy to have you back. I’m fucking glad to see our boss again… it’s just that I cannot believe it. The boys and myself mourned you for two days!!”

“Two days…?”

“Yes!”

Ash remained silent as he finished wrapping his would with a gauze. Then sighted looking straight into the other’s face.

“Alex, I need you to tell me exactly what happened two days ago. Is Lao dead? Where are the boys?” he paused and looked to the side, not sure if he should ask “…Where’s Eiji?”

Alex looked down.

“Lao… is dead. That day you shot him after he stabbed you” he breathed and stared at the floor for a moment “Sing was destroyed. He lost Shorter, two of his boys betrayed him, Eiji left, and then his brother killed-” he paused, correcting himself “he thought Lao killed you, and then died too…”

“Poor kid must have been glad I was dead” he suggested almost sad to disappoint him.

“Not at all Ash…” Alex told him with a serious look “Who do you think had to take the lead? He didn’t even have time to grieve…”

Ash nodded. Of course. He knew too that this life didn’t stop when somebody died, not even a brother. Hours kept running and there was a gang to lead.

“He can barely keep them together though… the boys I mean” Alex ran his fingers through his hair “some of them were just too divided”

Ash nodded again, not really knowing what so say. He had to come up with a way of telling the gang he was back, he needs to tell-

“Eiji…” Alex interrupted his thoughts “…I don’t know how to tell you what happened to Eiji, Ash” Alex said, his voice trembling with fear.

Ash felt his heart stop.

“Is Eiji okay?”

“Eiji… the day you were stabbed… he, uh…” Alex struggled.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE, SPIT IT OUT ALEX!”

“He had a heart attack, Ash” Alex continued talking, but Ash had stopped listening.

It didn’t make sense. Death, if he could trust it, had said HE had Eiji’s soul. Eiji had willingly and undeniably given it to him. Okay, Death had phrased it a bit different but you get the idea. There was no way Eiji was dead.

Unless.

Unless Death was lying. Unless it was so cruel and soulless to send him back just so that he had to live in a world knowing Eiji is long gone. Who could do something like that?

Wait.

He did. He left Eiji alone in this world after knowing his true feelings. Because it was obvious to anybody what Eiji was really trying to tell him in that letter. It was a confession, an open and honest confession he had decided to take and then die without letting him know his own feelings.

So if Eiji was dead, this was definitely Death’s punishment. And he would be there pretty soon too. It would all be easier to assimilate if Alex didn’t keep talking and talking…

“ASH!”

He looked up as he felt a single tear run down his cheek.

“ASH! EIJI HAD A HEART ATTACK BUT HE IS ALIVE!”

Ash blinked and let out a sight stuck at the back of his throat he didn’t know he was holding. He covered his face with his hands and breathed slowly.

“Oh God…”

“I was telling you he survived!!” Alex continued “He had a heart attack like ten minutes after the plane took off, and they had to land again and take him back to the hospital”

“He’s here in New York?” he asked with the faintest clue of panic in this voice “Is he better now?” he stood up and tried to walk. Alex stood up too and tried to help him, but Ash refused.

“He’s fine. He actually recovered extraordinarily fast and he’s already with Ibe, but…” he looked him in the eyes “…but he cannot remember anything or anyone, Ash”

The blond was walking towards the bathroom, but he stopped as he heard Alex. He knew it.

“Leave him” he said dryly.

“But Ash…”

Ash was still facing the bathroom door, but he looked over his shoulder to talk with the most authoritarian tone as possible, his eyes shining with resolution and something else Alex could not identify.

“Gather the gang. Tell them Ash Lynx is back”

Alex could only mutter a “Yes, boss” before the blond slammed the door behind him.

Once he heard Alex leave the room, he slid against the door and let himself fall into pieces. He started crying from a mix of despair, pain, confusion and frustration. His feelings were overwhelming, and the pain on his side was about to make him pass out in that filthy bathroom floor.

“FUCK YOU DEATH!” he screamed at the top of his voice, a raw and jarring shout. “LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS !!”

He kept sobbing until the pain from the stab was demanding more attention than his mind. He rolled the hem of his sweater up, and looked at it again. It surely didn’t look like a fresh wound. It looked like it was just bad enough to make him pass out, but not deep enough to kill him. He hoped to be able to heal without going to the hospital.

He looked inside one of the cabinets and he took some painkillers and an antibiotic. After swallowing them, he felt the immediate urge to throw up. He hadn’t eaten in three days, and his body was just now showing how weak and tired he was. He promised himself he would get something to eat and sleep as much as he wanted, but there was something more important to take care of before that.

Two hours later, the whole gang was waiting inside one of their hideouts.

“Is it true that the Lynx is back?” someone had asked.

“No, you idiot, we saw him dead!”

“Shut up! It's obvious that was not him!” another had responded.

The atmosphere in the room was full of expectation and skepticism. Some claimed Ash Lynx himself had risen from the dead stronger than ever, others claimed Ash had a lovechild who was now going to lead them, for others this was just a bad prank. Kong and Bones were unusually quiet sitting in one of the worn out and dusty sofas.

“Hey Bones…” Kong had finally broken the ice “…we saw boss dead, right?”

Bones was wearing his usual pink t-shit and overalls. He was hugging one of his knee, not really sure of what to think.

“We did…” he said half convinced.

“So, what do you think is happening?” he asked.

“I don’t know Kong…but Alex said Ash Lynx is back…” Kong insisted

“He isn’t back” a young voice interrupted them.

“Sing!” Kong and Bones said at unison as they saw the Chinese leader behind them.

“I went and recognized Ash’s body. He was dead” he said looking at the floor, anger and resentment in his voice. “So someone here has lied to us about this”

“GUYS! SHUT UP FOR A SECOND AND LOOK HERE!” Alex’s voice raised above all the others.

He turned his head to the bedroom door, and everybody followed his gaze. The room was now in absolute silence as they saw the door open and a pair of jade eyes gleaming from inside. The blond came out of the darkness and slowly walked inside the room. The scene really resembled an injured lynx walking majestically out of its cage. Ash was pale, his steps were slow and cautious, but his mere presence was making a statement.

The response was immediate.

There was a shout from one of the youngest members of the gang, followed by a gasp and a loud cry from Bones and Kong. There was a general clamor, whistles, and there were some even clapping in joy. A true leader had come back.

“BOSS!!” Bones leaped from the sofa, tears in his eyes.

“Glad to see you too guys…” Ash smirked softly.

The only one who was still looking at him frozen in the same place was Sing.

“No way…” he breathed as he covered his mouth with one of his hands.

Ash had been surrounded by ten or fifteen men, all talking at the same time and shaking hands. As Ash responded and laughed at the silly comments from his men, he looked around the room and found Sing. His smile turned into a more serious expression and he held his gaze for a moment. Sing changed from shock to a pained frown and broke the eye contact, turning his back to Ash.

Ash cleared his throat and all the mumbling and shouting subsided.

“For all of those who believed I died… you’re wrong”

There was a general cheer and Ash then continued talking, his voice serious now.

“I don’t want to hear any rumors about what happened, so here’s all you need to know: Lao stabbed me thinking I was going to fight Sing, and I shot him. Lao’s dead.”

He found Sing again among the crowd with a grave expression on his face.

“Sing, I don’t want the Chinese turning against my boys. If there is anything you’d like to say, this is the time and place” he asked, his voice firm and determined.

Not a sound was heard as Sing walked forward. He took a moment before speaking.

“Lao ditched the gang before he stabbed you. He was my brother, and I cannot say I feel completely okay with this, Ash…” he looked at him straight in the eyes, as if he was much older than he was “…but I understand why you did it. So no harsh feelings…” he stated with honesty. He turned around to face his own gang members “I repeat for all of you: we’re cool. We have no reasons to fight other gangs”

There was a general nod and then he turned to Ash again.

“Chinatown is glad you’re back” he smiled confidently.

Ash smiled too and then addressed the crowd again. “Another point I need to make clear today… is about Eiji” he sighted. It was always hard to talk about him in front of other people.

“He had a heart attack, most of you know that” Alex interrupted “…and he doesn’t remember anything from NY”

“And it needs to stay that way” it was Ash’s turn to interrupt.

The gang turned to see him attentively, knowing his words were commandments.

“Nobody says a word about New York to Eiji, or I’ll make you regret it” he threatened with cold eyes.

“YESS BOSS!” they answered almost instinctively to that tone.

“…but boss” Kong said “why don’t you want us to talk to him? Eiji was like part of gang…”

“Kong!” Bones pulled his sleeve with worried eyes “of course Ash knows that…”

Ash stayed silent and lowered his eyes.

He knew.

Of course he knew, and it was clear the gang knew it too. He needed to keep Eiji safe, and that meant being away from him. It hurt. It hurt to have been wiped away from Eiji’s memory like a bad dream, but he knew this was the only way to make sure he was out of danger. With Dino, Foxx and Lao dead, Blanca on his side, Yut Lung was the only real danger. He let the answer to the question hang in the air as Alex continued addressing the gang with the latest news.

Ash looked outside the window. New York looked stunning in a cascade of yellow lights on anyone’s eyes but Ash’s. Tonight, somewhere out there was Eiji wondering what happened to him during all those months in America.

If he only knew…

\----------------------------------------------------

“…is he getting better?”

_“He’s been great since the day he got out of the hospital, Ash”_

“I’m glad to hear that”

_“How… are you?”_

“The gang seems to be doing better now”

_“That’s… not what I meant”_

There was silence on the other side of the line.

“I’m doing fine, Ibe” he lied.

Ibe didn’t seem convinced at all by his answer, but he decided to keep quiet. For now. _“Take care Ash”_

“I will, believe me” he said as he hung up.

Two weeks had passed since Ash came back to life. It was true that the gang was doing better now. In fact, things in Manhattan had never been calmer before. They reached a kind of equilibrium between the American, the Chinese and Cain’s gang. Sing had also done a remarkable job convincing Yut Lung to cut the crap and leave his whole plan of having Ash as his rival. Apparently, the fact that he came back from the dead had made him step back and reconsider his life choices. Sing said he was now the head of the family, and trying to lead the business into something new. Ash hoped he stayed that way. 

His stab was also healing properly. Ash had stayed in their hide out leading his boys from the shadows these two weeks, and things seemed to look normal for them. However, there was one little problem at the back of his mind: he had Eiji’s soul.

For the first three days, he came to believe it had all been part of his agonizing mind. He convinced himself he had just passed out, got his vital signs so weak that everybody thought him dead, and he woke up after his body regained enough strength.

That’s what he told everybody as well, including Max, Ibe and Jessica.

He was totally convinced of that, until he had a odd dream on the third night. He felt himself fall asleep and then slowly drawn down, back to this nothingness he had been before.

The black figure was waiting for him and spoke at once almost disappointed.

_“It seems to me you’re not suffering too much on Earth…”_

_Ash closed his eyes “This is a nightmare. This is just one of many bad dreams I have every night…”_

_“Oh? Is that why you’re not worried? You think this is not real?” Death asked amused coming dangerously close._

_Ash opened his eyes and tried to find a pair of eyes to look at, but he couldn’t. “This is a dream” he repeated._

_Death grabbed Ash’s jaw and ran a sharp finger along his Adam’s apple._

_“Keep telling yourself that, Lynx, and I’ll see you and Eiji here soon enough”_

When Ash woke up, he was not sweaty and in panic like after his usual nightmares. He felt heavy and cold, and even though he still believed his mind was playing tricks on him, he got up and went to the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror.

And then he saw it.

The faintest but definitely present cut on his neck. It was real. 

Now he knew his dilemma was real. He couldn’t die or Eiji would die too. And that was something he couldn’t live with… or die with. You get the point.

Leading the gang from inside a room had been safe so far, but what would happen after his wound healed completely and he had no excuse to stay inside? What would he tell the others? He needed to live up to his name, and that meant being in the battlefield. And it’s not like he thought he would immediately die if he went out, especially now that things seemed to be on the safer side, but the fact that he knew he COULDN’T die made him a bit paranoic and frustrated. All his life he lived each day knowing it could be his last, and he came to a point when he was okay with that. He rushed and charged forward trusting his abilities because if he died, then so it was. But now, his life was not the only thing at stake.

He had decided to give himself two more weeks before he went out at night again, and instead, he would use his time to investigate about the afterlife and what different cultures said about Death. As unbelievable as the situation was, he still needed to find a way to set Eiji free.

Eiji.

His presence and his absence had been utter torture. Knowing Eiji was safe made him feel relieved, but at the same time made him desperate. Every inch of him urged him to run straight to him, just like that tragic day, but we all know how that turned out. Ash’s logical side was frantically fighting his emotional side and made him put his phone away whenever he had Eiji’s number on screen and was about to call him. What would he say anyways? _Hello, I’m… the person who almost gets you killed… four times?._

Besides, making him remember all the previous months in New York meant reviving feelings of guilt and grief. It was this last argument that had convinced Max and Ibe to follow his plan. Wasn’t it better for him to forget about Skip, Griffin, and Shorter? It sounds terrible, he knows, but the truth is that Eiji would never stop blaming himself for their deaths.

It was the best for everybody.

With these thoughts, Ash grabbed his keys and his gun, and headed to the New York Public Library. The last time he entered, he was absolutely sure he would not go out, but here he was again. It was a nice autumn afternoon, so he was wearing his usual jeans, a white shirt, and his warm brown jacket.

He felt safe and even welcomed the minute he walked inside the building. Amidst all the chaos, blood, abuse and death, the library had always been his personal paradise. He wandered around the library trying to find the section he was looking for, when he stopped in front of some Hemmingway classics. Although he had read all the titles, it was always nice to see the new editions they kept bringing to the library. He took a look at the huge bookshelf in front of him and took a step back to have a better view of the selections above his head.

When he took a second step back, he bumped into something or someone behind him. With his luck, something had hit him on his right side lightly, sending a tolerable but immediate wave of discomfort on his wound. He was ready to turn around and tell the other idiot to be more careful next time, when a soft and apologetic voice he knew _too well_ interrupted.

“I’m sorry! Are you okay?” A pair of dark brown eyes looked at him with concern.

Eiji.

Eiji was in front of him. His stomach flipped and his blood drained from his face at the image in front of him. Ash made a mental effort to remember how to breathe again and commanded his eyes to look anywhere but Eiji’s face. He was wearing his blue sweater and his green coat, looking as cute as always. He noticed he was holding a book. Wait. He was not holding any book. Ash would recognize that red cover and those gold letters anywhere.

“Are you okay? I didn’t realize there was someone behind me” Eiji repeated.

Ash blinked and tried to fight the urge to hold Eiji in his arms and never let him go again. The pain on his side was a helpful distraction.

“Y-yeah… no worries” he sad as he held his side.

“Are you sure? I turned around and I think I hit you with the corner of this book”

“No really, it’s f-“ he opened his coat a little to look at his side, but he could immediately see tiny red spots staining his white shirt.

“Oh God… That’s definitely not okay…” Eiji said, leaving the book back on its shelf. “Should I get help? How did that happen?!” he was raising his voice and some people turned around to look at them.

“Ssshhhh… it’s okay, really” Ash told him whispering. The last thing he wanted was for the librarian to come and see him there. She would probably recognize him as the dead body they took from there a few weeks ago and she would faint right there. “I-uh… was stabbed and I still haven’t healed properly, that’s all”

“What do you mean by ‘ _that’s all’_? What are you even doing walking on your own if you were stabbed??”

“That’s… a great question” he replied smiling, slowly indulging into Eiji’s words. 

Ash took a mental note of the way the Japanese was scolding him just like he did before. The way he furrowed his brows and talked to him was sweet in Ash’s eyes. It had always been.

“Did you come here walking?”

“Yes… why?” the blond asked cautiously.

“I’ll walk you home”

“What?!” it was Ash’s turn to panic.

“It’s the least I can do, it was my fault after all”

“Stop with the self-blaming!” Ash replied automatically, and then kicked himself mentally for the remark “I mean… it was not on purpose” he decided to change his strategy and distract Eiji with something else. “By the way, what were you doing reading ‘The Catcher in the Rye’?”

“Oh, I just saw it here and I wanted to see it up close” he explained scratching his cheek. “Why?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” he half-laughed at the irony of the situation and then thought for another moment “And what are you doing here to begin with?”

Eiji seemed confused. “Why? I cannot?”

“No no, of course you can…” he tried to come up with something quick “it’s just that I hadn’t seen you around here before…” he lied. He felt his words leave his mouth like a bad pick-up line and he kicked himself mentally again. He was starting to get nervous.

Eiji looked at him for a second and then giggled. “Americans are weird” he said “I honestly don’t know why I came. I just felt… drawn to this place and I wanted to see it. Now let’s stop the chat and I’ll take you to an ER or something”

“No hospitals…” Ash replied, still digesting Eiji’s answer.

“Okay, then I’ll walk you home” Eiji said as he helped or practically dragged Ash out of the library.

Ash needed no help to be honest. He knew his stitches had probably just stretched at the involuntary muscle contraction from the bump and bled a little, that was all. But having Eiji by his side again, grabbing his arm to help him down the stairs had him in a kind of trance. It was as if his mind had given him a hyper focus power to remember every single little detail from Eiji. His thick and dark eyelashes which fluttered with each blink, the fresh and somewhat sweet scent of his clothes, the messy hair he saw each morning in the bed next to his, his full lips he had the honor to taste a long time ago… 

“Are you sure we shouldn’t go to a hospital?” Eiji interrupted his thoughts again. They were already outside the library.

“No, no, it’s fine…” Ash almost whispered, still in trance.

“So? Which way?”

“What?”

“Your house”

Right. His house. He was absolutely positive he wouldn’t take Eiji to the hideout. Kong and Bones would probably scream and jump to a very confused Eiji. He put his hand inside his pocket and he felt the cold metal from his keys.

He couldn’t believe he was about to let himself indulge like this.

“It’s… an apartment” he sighted “my apartment is that way” he pointed across the street.

“Okay, let’s go” he smiled “Oh, I’m Eiji by the way, Eiji Okumura. Nice to meet you”

Ash felt his heart clench inside his chest.

“Ash… You can call me Ash” he answered as he fought the tears pooling in his eyes. 

Ash Lynx was back, but his love for Eiji had never died. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter! Comments are welcomed! (Also, English is not my first language, so excuse the little grammar mistakes I'll make along this story!)


	2. Ash Winston

_He was resting under the shadow of a willow tree. He could tell the sun was boiling hot some meters away from him. His eyes traveled from his hands to the grass under his legs, the crystal clear lake on his left, and then Eiji lying with just a pair of shorts on his right. He looked up and saw their t-shirts sun drying above them._

_He remembered now._

_They were definitely in Cape Cod and they had been swimming all day. This afternoon had been just the two of them. No old farts to slow them down or judge whatever they did. They had decided to run away and jump into the lake like little kids. They laughed until their stomachs hurt, splashing each other and climbing the trees._

_Ash felt his age for the first time in forever. Ash felt like a 17-year-old boy._

_“Are we going back already?” Eiji asked without looking up, face down on the grass._

_“Not yet…” he said as he rested his eyes on Eiji’s bare back. His defined muscles were a sign of all his pole vaulting training._

_“Aren’t Ibe and Max gonna be mad if we spend so much time outside?” he said as he turned around, catching Ash’s eyes looking at him and then quickly looking away._

_“Well, yes…” he cleared his throat and tried his hardest not to blush “but I think we deserve to have a day off…”_

_Eiji smiled and then suddenly stood up, grabbing Ash’s wrist. “Come on, I dare you to jump into the lake from the tree”_

_Ash let himself be pulled up and he smirked. “Are you really daring ME?” he asked with a raised eyebrow._

_“I clearly am” the Japanese answered with a mischievous smile, now grabbing Ash’s hand almost in a phantom touch which sent a shot of adrenaline through his body._

_“Why don’t you do it first, then?”_

_Ash watched Eiji climb the willow and slide to one of its thick branches. He looked at Ash laughing nervously with anticipation and then jumped, splashing water everywhere. He emerged from the water and looked at Ash smiling widely._

_“Your turn!”_

_Ash climbed the tree expertly and rested his body on the same branch, letting his arms fall on each side just like a real lynx would do._

_“What do I get if I jump?” he asked playfully._

_“You’ll prove you’re not scared of jumping” Eiji offered as he floated, his eyes closed._

_“Haven’t I proved my courage yet?” he laughed._

_“Okay, fair. What can I give you then?” Eiji asked as he started to swim closer to the tree._

_Ash looked at him. Something about the tone in his question made a bunch of butterflies flutter inside his stomach. He locked his green eyes into Eiji’s as his smile became a bit shy._

_“What can I ask from you?”_

_Eiji seemed to have sensed something on his question too, but he didn’t break eye contact._

_“You’ll never know if you don’t jump, Ash” the Japanese answered as he swam away again, leaving room for Ash to jump._

_Ash felt his heart beat faster and faster on his chest with the promise of the unknown and the certainty of this intimate atmosphere between them. He lifted himself up and then jumped into the lake. As the cold water engulfed his body, he realized there and then he was unquestionably in love with Eiji._

The sudden memory burned like hot iron in his mind. As they walked towards the apartment, the willow tree near them had triggered the scene on his head to play loud and clear.

“You really should stay inside” Eiji said “I cannot believe you went out like this”

“Do you always help random strangers?”

“I do.” Eiji answered, but then he thought for a moment “well, in Japan at least. I have no idea if I’ve helped people here in New York”

“Why is that?” he tried to sound curious.

“Well… You might think this is absolutely crazy, but I lost all my memories from this trip a few weeks ago…” he confessed hesitantly.

Ash nodded in what he hoped was interpreted as understanding and not the panic he was actually feeling.

“…so you’re originally from Japan?”

Eiji seemed surprised. “So that’s what you’re curious about?” he giggled.

Ash cleared his throat. “Well, I’m a stranger, so I don’t expect you to give me any details if you don’t want to…”

They kept walking through the street. The wind had gotten colder, and the people around them wore long overcoats and scarves. Eiji zipped his coat up and then turned right. 

“It’s okay really, it’s not like I remember much…” he continued “I know I came here because I was supposed to help with some photographs.” He furrowed his eyebrows trying to remember “I know I was mugged too because I have scars and a recent bullet wound on my right… Then, somehow I suffered a heart attack and I lost my memories, but I don’t remember anything else”

Mugged. Right.

The shot from the two Chinese bastards who tried to kill him. Fuck Yut Lung.

“That’s one hell of a trip. Didn’t you think of going back to Japan when you woke up? I would be terrified to wake up in another country without my memories” he lied. He would be more than happy to wake up somewhere else and start a new life. Although that meant forgetting Eiji, and he was not willing to do that. 

“I did. I thought about just buying a plane ticket and going back, but…” he paused, struggling to find the words to continue “…I feel like I came here to do something I haven’t completed yet. I’m still trying to remember what it is” he shrugged as he dismissed the topic “…were you mugged too?” 

“Ah… this?” he asked, holding his side “Yeah, they tried to take something from me and I tried to hold on to it” he smiled bitterly. He could swear he could hear Death laughing totally pleased in the underworld.

“New York is a dangerous place” Eiji commented as they were coming near a more residential area “we don’t carry guns or knives in Japan”

“I know Eiji, I know…” he said before almost bumping into him again. Eiji had stopped all of a sudden.

“I… I have no idea why I brought you here” he said utterly puzzled, looking around disoriented.. “I’m sorry” he apologized.

But they were right in front of their old apartment building

“It’s okay…” Ash swallowed hard “my apartment is right here actually”

He was not sure of what to think. First the book, now the apartment. Eiji truly seemed to remember some things, or at least think about them intuitively. Ash didn’t know how strongly his memories were blocked, or how easily his mind would give in if he found the right trigger.

“Really? That’s lucky… Sometimes I get this feeling of being drawn to different places. The doctor says it might be because I unconsciously remember being here before, so maybe I was around the area a few weeks ago...” he explained as he scratched the back of his head.

Ash nodded in understanding. Right, that must be it. His subconsciousness was still present after all. Does that mean that his feelings for him were somewhere there too? He shook his head as he tried to bury deep down all feelings of hope and illusion. He had to stick to his plan and just say goodbye.

“Well, thank you for bringing me here, Eiji”

He should feel grateful to have had the chance to say goodbye again….

“Are you going to be able to clean and patch up the wound?”

…but Eiji was making it extremely difficult.

“I will” he smiled politely “please, don’t go around on your own too much…”

“Says the guy who was stabbed on the street”

“Says the guy who doesn’t remember why he was shot” he countered, and they both laughed.

Eiji’s words were making Ash’s will weaken every second. He didn’t think he could keep up this act for much longer if Eiji kept looking at him with those round brown eyes.

“Seriously though, go back safely” Ash forced a reluctant goodbye.

“I will. I’ll just go back to the library to ask for that book. I couldn’t get it before” he turned around to leave as he waved Ash goodbye “Take care Ash!”

Ash saw Eiji walk in the opposite direction and slowly distance himself from him. _Again._ He felt his body boil as it fought his reason. His IQ completely gone as he simply couldn’t think straight when it came to Eiji. Literally.

Who was he trying to fool? He never stood a chance against Eiji. There was never a choice.

“EIJI!” he called as he reached him.

Eiji turned surprised to hear his name. He looked at him expectantly.

“I…” he tried to catch his breath “I have a copy of the book you’re looking for…”

\-------------------------------

As Ash turned the key from the apartment, he took a deep breath. They were about to enter the place that was their home for several months. Would Eiji recover his memory if he saw the place? Was that enough of a trigger? Was it even possible to make him remember anything if it was something imposed by Death itself?

Ash didn’t know but was about to find out.

He opened the door and took a step to the side to let Eiji in. The Japanese entered the apartment, his eyes wide in shock and his mouth half open.

 _“Oh God he remembers he remembers he remembers…”_ Ash’s panicked

“I don’t know what to say…” Eiji whispered. Ash closed the door behind them, holding his breath “…are all apartments in New York this nice??” he finally said turning around to see Ash with a smile on his face.

“Nice…?” he processed the words “Right… this must look fancy”

“Of course it does! What do you do for a living to have a place like this?!” he said going to the window and admiring the view.

FUCK.

He didn’t think this through. Of course Eiji would ask questions about him. How was he supposed to answer?

“I-uh… I’m a college student” he improvised.

“A student?? How can you afford this?”

“My… my father is renting it for me…” he said as Max’s face came to his mind.

“Wow! That’s awesome… so do you study here in New York?” he turned around to see Ash who was now looking at him with anxious eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry… you don’t have to answer that. I have no idea why I started with the questions… I swear I’m not usually like this…” he said as his cheeks blushed faintly.

“No no, it’s okay, really…” he sighed and tried one of his finest smiles “why don’t you sit down while I get the book for you?”

“Sure…” he said timidly “oh, I know you refused before, but I truly know how to take care of wounds. If you have a first aid kit, I can have a look”

Ash nodded with a polite smile and walked to his room.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

He closed the door behind him and allowed himself a moment to lose his shit. He silent-screamed muffling the sound on the back of his arm and then grabbed his stomach trying to control the rollercoaster of emotions he was going through right now.

He was talking to Eiji. The one thing he promised he would never do again because he wanted to keep him safe. Not only that, but he invited him to their former apartment and he was now waiting in the living room for a copy of The Catcher in the Fucking Rye.

He took a couple of deep breaths and decided it was time to get his shit together now. Okay, he messed up. If he was going to talk to Eiji, then he better protects him from up close then.

He was Ash Winston now, he told himself. He was a regular 18-year-old boy studying Literature in New York.

He took the book, which was still kept under his bed, and went out the room.

“Here you go…” he offered it to Eiji and then walked to the bathroom looking for the first aid kit. “I think I’ll accept your offer after all” he said as he returned with the box.

“Ah thanks!” Eiji said as he took the book and started to flip through its pages. He left on the coffee table in front of him and took the box instead “take off your jacket”

Ash did as he was told and he sat in the armchair next to the sofa. Eiji was reading the labels from each bottle, and then he unscrewed the cap of one of them. He turned to face Ash and gestured at him with his hands.

“The… uh- can you?” he tried, but his cheeks were turning brighter than before.

Ash raised an eyebrow. Did this mean he actually had some feelings for him? Even though he knew Eiji’s deep feelings had nothing to do with how he looked, it was still somehow uplifting to see he had an effect on the boy under other circumstances too. He felt amused and thought about teasing him a bit.

“You want me to take my shirt off?” he asked innocently.

“No! I mean, it’s not necessary, just roll it up a bit”. There was the shy Eiji he met the first day.

Ash revealed his wound and saw what he expected. A few of his stitches had stretched, but nothing serious. Eiji damped a cotton ball with the content from the bottle. “This is going to hurt a bit” he said as he pressed it lightly over the area.

Ash hissed but stayed still. Eiji cleaned the wound with care and then covered it properly. He actively tried to avoid any contact of his fingers with Ash’s exposed skin, which didn’t go unnoticed by the blond.

“Ready” he said “That should hold for at least two days”

“Thanks Eiji” Ash answered as he rearranged his clothes again. There was a moment of comfortable silence and then he asked “…so, are you staying alone here in New York?”

“No, I’m staying with the photographer who brought me here” he explained as he put the items back in the box again, and then added “he must be very worried right now… He’s a bit overprotective sometimes”

“Well, you were shot and had a heart attack… you cannot blame him”

“I know, I know… but sometimes I would like to go out more” he said “I bet I already did a lot of things before, but I cannot remember them, so I would like to do them again”

Ash bit his tongue to avoid screaming that was the worst idea ever. Luckily, he was interrupted.

“I bet I visited all the museums and cafes in the area, but I don’t even have my pictures to remember it”

“What happened to your camera?” Ash asked truly confused.

“Ibe-san told me it got lost on the plane. When I passed out, they got me off the plane so quickly that my camera must have gotten lost there…”

Wow. Ibe was a professional liar. Ash made a mental note to congratulate him for that if he saw him again.

“That’s… terrible”

“It’s okay, it could be worse I guess…I’m just happy I’m alive” he shrugged “what about you? Have you always lived here?”

“Born and raised” he said with a proud smile.

“Wow, you must really like it here…”

“I do, I truly do”

“Have you ever thought of going abroad?”

Ash looked at him fondly, a bittersweet smile on his lips.

“I did once” he replied, his jade eyes fixed into Eiji’s “I think it was not meant for me…” he finished as he looked away.

“You should not give up though…” Eiji said “If that’s what you really want you should fight for it. I really feel different from when I was in Japan, even if I cannot remember anything” he reflected.

Ash looked at him again, holding his gaze. A part of him wished Eiji to remember everything. He wanted him to remember all the things they went through together, the meals they had, the trips they made, the room they shared. He wonders if this was like those senseless fairy tales, and if he leaned in and kissed him right now, Eiji would recover his memory. He heard a laugh at the back of his mind, reminding him this was anything but a fairy tale.

“I’m sorry! I’m speaking too much again…” Eiji apologized “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today…”

Ash let out a breathy laugh. “Do Japanese people always apologize so much?”

“We do…” Eiji smiled and then fidgeted with the book in his hands. “Well… I should probably go and leave you to rest” he said as he stood up, but then seemed to struggle with his words. “Can I-uh… Can I have your number?” he asked avoiding Ash’s green eyes.

“My number?” Ash asked confused.

“Y-yeah… it’s just that… I-I can text you when I’m done with the book” he explained, his cheeks bright red again.

Ash admired the sight in front of him. He didn’t know this side of Eiji. He never saw Eiji getting flustered like this in front of him, not because of this at least. The way they met was… _intense_ , to put it as the understatement of the year.

“Sure, no problem” he said as he took a piece of paper from the coffee table and wrote his number on it and gave it to him.

“Thanks again” Eiji smiled as he headed for the door. Ash opened it for him and let him out.

“Take care Eiji” he said as he waved his hand until Eiji disappeared on the hallway.

Once he was alone, he walked to his room and let himself fall into Eiji’s former bed, face down. Almost immediately, his phone started ringing for a second only, and then heard a message coming through.

_[One Missed Call from Eiji]_

_From: Eiji_

_“This is my number! Sorry about your wound and thanks again for the book!”_

Ash looked at the screen with Eiji’s contact information already saved. He opened the text message and started scrolling through the chat.

_From: Eiji_

_“Ash? Are you coming home or not? Dinner is ready!”_

_From: Eiji_

_“Ash! If you forget to buy groceries again, I swear I’ll cook natto for 3 days straight!”_

_From: Eiji_

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that this morning. Are you coming home?”_

_From: Eiji_

_“Max called. He’s worried about you, please give him a call”_

_From: Eiji_

_“Ash, I haven’t heard anything from you. I’m still at the hospital, but I’ll go and find you as soon as I can go out”_

He felt the tears roll down his cheeks and he wiped them with the back of his sleeve. He kept scrolling until he reached the last message from _that_ day.

_From: Eiji_

_“I wish you could reply to my messages... I don’t even know if you have your phone with you anymore. I gave Sing a letter for you. I’ll be always waiting for you, Ash”_

He felt his body coil and become very small on that bed as he sobbed. He pressed his phone close to his heart. 

He got it now.

Death’s torture was worse than he had imagined. As he realized how deep he had fallen for Eiji long ago, he understood he was damned. He loved Eiji then, he loved Eiji now, and there was nothing in this world or underworld that could change that. There was no point in resisting. If Death wanted to kill him right there, it would do it. But this was about watching him mourn an Eiji who didn’t remember anything about what they went through.

He remembered the night Yut Lung had told him to kill himself in exchange of Eiji’s safety, and he had just picked the gun and pulled the trigger. There was no question to it. That same night was the first time he had the courage to verbalize his feelings and told Blanca how happy he was. He had found a person who loved him and expected nothing in return. Someone who had seen his ugliest side and decided to stay by his side. He knew what true love was like, at last.

And now that person was gone.

He smiled wearily and let out a heavy sigh. If he had no choice, then he was going to make the most out of this second chance with Eiji. He was going to give him everything he couldn’t the first time. 

The nice afternoon became darker and darker as the sun set on the city that never sleeps. Ash stood up and looked at his phone again, the bright screen now blinding him for a second. He opened his conversation with Eiji and replied.

_From: Ash_

_“I think going to the Library was one of my best choices today. See you soon, Eiji”_

\------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in Manhattan, in a cheap hotel room, Eiji had woken up to the sound of a message on his phone. He read it and smiled idiotically like a teenager.

“What’s that smile for?” Ibe asked as he entered the room with dinner ready on a tray. He was still spoiling Eiji after his heart attack even though all his medical exams showed no signs of anomalies.

“Oh, I just met someone today” Eiji tried to sound casual, but his smile and the hidden excitement gave him away.

“Really? As in… someone to go on a date with?”

Eiji’s face became impossibly hot. “N-no, it’s just someone who lent me a book, but it was nice to go out and talk” he trailed off as he got up and looked at the soup in front of him.

“Good, I’m glad…” he just said. He was not going to push Eiji to tell him anything he didn’t want to share.

They ate and talked about Ibe’s day at work. He had been working with Max on a photoshoot to include in the reporter’s columns. He still needed to figure out what they would do after he finished with that. Ibe knew he couldn’t keep hiding something THIS BIG from Eiji’s family, but he also understood the boy’s stance. He didn’t want to leave New York yet, and he agreed to stay two more weeks. Keeping all these past months as a secret from Eiji had been painful and hard, and he was sure he would’ve never done it alone. Max helped him delete Eiji’s contact information from his phone, and he also took Eiji’s camera and pictures to his house. It was cruel, he knows, but the time to tell him the truth would come.

“I think I’ll sleep now, Ibe-san. Thanks for taking care of me”

Ibe took the dishes and headed out. “No worries, Ei-chan. Good night”

As soon as he closed the door behind him, Eiji covered his face with his pillow.

He had NO IDEA what was wrong with him that day. He was not the type to go and deliberately talk to strangers. Even less when those strangers were tall and handsome Americans. And EVEN LESS when he had just bumped into them making them bleed a little.

GOD he was clumsy.

He took the pillow off his face and stared at the ceiling.

Ash. When the boy turned around, he didn’t know if he was most surprised by the fact that he had hurt him, or by his intense jade eyes. He was absolutely beautiful, and he had never said that about any other boy in Japan. That fact was also unexpectedly easy to accept too. He felt undeniably attracted to this tall American boy, and he was okay with that.

After all, that was the only logical explanation for his shameful behavior that afternoon. Not only did he force him to get out of the library, but he also insisted on walking him home. He covered his face at this thought, but then uncovered his eyes.

Ash had invited him to go to his apartment, though, so maybe he didn’t impose his presence completely. Ash’s apartment was not only impressive, but it also had something he couldn’t put his finger on. A kind of… familiarity to it.

Okay, now he was starting to fantasize.

He grabbed his phone and opened his conversation with Ash. He wrote and deleted his message several times before he had the courage to send it. He pressed ‘send’ and dropped his phone like it was burning. 

_From: Eiji_

_“Hey... I know this is kind of weird, so you can say no if you want to… but would you like to go and have a coffee someday?”_

He waited for several minutes almost holding his breath, his heart on his throat. He heard a ring and looked at the screen controlling his panic.

_From: Ash_

_“I thought you would never ask. A coffee sounds great. See you tomorrow at 6 outside the library ;)”_

Eiji swallowed back his heart and his stomach did a somersault. He was almost shaking with excitement, and he prayed to all the Japanese Gods to please be on his side tomorrow. 

He had a date with Ash ~~Lynx~~ Winston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments in the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed reading the second chapter too. At least for me this is very fun to write ^^. I only wish I had more time to keep writing! 
> 
> Comments are always welcomed and thanks again!


	3. Coffee Date

He was going to buy Eiji what he knew was his favorite coffee, Ash decided.

He had been sitting in one of the dirty sofas of their hideout since this morning, but his mind was not paying attention to whatever happened around him anymore. Fly had decided to pay a visit to Ash’s gang and offer them the latest weapons available in the market. Ash agreed and let his boys look at the pieces the man had displayed on one of the beds.

After Fly left, they proceeded to talk about the recent information they had gathered from the other groups and possible troubles for the downtown area. After he heard Yut Lung was still minding his own business, his mind started to wander and he started daydreaming about today’s date with Eiji.

He was really looking forward to it, to say the least. He had also invented a whole fake life in his head in case Eiji asked, so he felt extra prepared. Clothes were also solved. He had decided to put a bit more effort into his look (as if he needed it) and throw on a black turtleneck and his long burgundy overcoat. It was probably going to be windy, so he should take his green scarf just in case. Should he go with or without glasses? With glasses. No, without glasses. With. 

_“boss…”_

Did they make him look older or younger?

“Boss!”

Ash was startled by the sudden voice and saw the whole gang and Alex staring at him expectantly, as if it was his turn to say something.

“Boss?” Alex repeated.

He cleared his throat and furrowed his eyebrows, annoyed.

“I heard you the first time Alex” he shifted his position “what is it?”

“Should we intervene or not? Cain’s gang is asking for support… They’re having trouble with some gangs from the East side of Manhattan”

“We need to keep them as our allies, they represent a big number here, so let’s help out” he said now focused on the topic “but be careful, you’ll be putting yourselves in danger too”

“Yes boss!” they answered.

“Now get lost… I’m tired and I want to rest” he said with an exhausted breath.

They stood up and headed for the door immediately. Only Bones and Kong stayed behind after everyone left. 

“Ash?” Bones started “I’ll probably lose another tooth after asking this, but I gotta do it” he said trying to give himself some courage to ask.

Ash turned around and waited.

“You’re talking to Eiji again, aren’t you?” Bones blurted out.

Ash frowned and put his guard up, defensive. They must’ve noticed from his lack of focus.

“So? What if I am?”

Kong interrupted before Bones could answer. “Does Eiji remember you, boss?”

Ash lowered her eyes and answered with a bitter tone. “No, he doesn’t…”

Kong scratched the back of his head and then asked hopelessly “Oh… so there’s no chance he remembers us, right?”

Ash softened his expression and looked at them again “Sorry guys, not happening”

“Is Eiji okay?” Bones was truly concerned. After all, both him and Kong had spent a lot of time with him, and even had him fighting by their side. Being forgotten was not easy for anyone in the gang.

Ash thought for a moment before replying. He thought about Eiji confidently walking around Manhattan, completely ignoring the existence of banana fish, the gang, Dino, Yut Lung, or anything violent associated with his stay in New York. As far as he knew, Eiji just thought of this city as loud and crowded. A faint smile curved on his lips before replying.

“I think he’s better than ever, Bones…”

Bones and Kong exchanged a look and seemed to understand. They said goodbye and went out of the room, leaving Ash alone.

At 5:40, Ash was standing outside the New York Public Library. He felt a bit dumb for being there 20 minutes early, but he decided to use his time to look around the area. His eyes were instinctively drawn to the street he had been a few weeks ago. It all still seemed a bit unreal to him. Before his strain of thought went further, he spotted Eiji walking in the opposite direction.

He was wearing a plain grey hoodie and a cozy wool scarf around his neck too. He looked a bit disoriented, trying to look for him among all the people in the street. When he finally found him among the crowd, his eyes sparkled and smiled fondly.

“Hey, you’re here early too” he greeted as he approached Ash.

“I guess I was a bit anxious for that coffee…” he answered with his hands in his pockets, mostly to control the urge of grabbing Eiji’s.

“Me too…” he admitted shyly, fidgeting with his hands. “…so? Do you have any places you think we could go?”

“I have a few in mind”

They entered one of the many cafes of the area. It was small but it was nicely decorated with plants, flowers and lights. Their little blackboard outside was written in white chalk, listing all the cakes and pastries they had for the day. Inside it was pretty full, so they decided to go and sit outside. Even though the air was cold, the faint autumn sunshine was enough to be comfortable. The waitress came almost immediately.

“Hi! Welcome to Think Coffee, do you know what you’ll order to start or would you like to see the menu?” the girl said with a wide smile.

Ash smiled back politely “I’ll have an americano, thanks… and, Eiji?”

“I’ll have a latte and… I’d like something sweet but I cannot decide”

“Can I recommend something?” Ash asked knowingly.

“Sure!”

“Try their Brooklyn Brookie Bars. I think you’ll like them”

“Okay, I’ll try them then” he said convinced.

“Okie dokie! So… an americano, a latte and a Brooklyn brookie bar, got it” the girl repeated “I’ll be right back with your order”

They both looked at the waitress leave, and there was a comfortable silence before Eiji spoke.

“I must confess I was a bit nervous before coming.” he admitted with a laugh. Somehow saying that out loud made it easier to speak for both of them.

“You were? Why is that?” he asked with genuine curiosity.

“I don’t know. Maybe you would think it was too bold from a stranger to ask you for a coffee. Especially after I told you I don’t remember anything… you could’ve thought I was crazy”

“Well… that shocked me for sure” he lied “but I did want to come and chat with you”

Eiji didn’t know how to respond to that, but luckily the waitress reappeared in that moment with their orders. She placed both cups of coffee in front of them, the characteristic aroma immediately surrounding them. They both thanked her and she returned inside the café

“So, Ash…” Eiji said changing the topic “I just realized I never asked what you study”

“Oh… literature” he said as he rested his cheek upon his hand.

“Eh? That’s very interesting… I wish I could read full English books”

“What about the book I lent you? I thought you wanted to read it”

Eiji had just seemed to remember the aforementioned book. “Right… No, I think I’ll better return it to you…” he giggled.

“What about you?” He asked “what do you study back in Japan?”

Ash knew this was a difficult topic for Eiji. He had suffered and injure while pole vaulting, so he couldn’t do it anymore. Eiji had felt depressed and worthless for some time, so Ibe had asked him to come to America to help him clear out his mind. He knew all of this, but this was the logical question to ask if they were really meeting for the first time.

“I… I practiced pole vaulting back in Japan. I suffered an injury and I had to quit”

“That’s impressive… I’m sorry you had to quit”

“Oh no, it’s fine” Eiji said with honesty, leaving Ash a bit taken aback “it made me feel bad some time ago, but I guess photography really is something that I enjoy now”

Ash wondered why Eiji responded so differently from when they were in Cape Cod with Shorter. At the time, he seemed to doubt himself and be lost. Now, Eiji truly seemed to have overcome his failed success as a pole vaulter. Maybe, this was really the first time meeting this Eiji.

“Well, that’s good to hear”

Eiji took one of the bars and gave it a try. His eyes sparkled the moment he tasted it. He chewed it slowly, savoring the delicious chocolate in his mouth. Ash looked at him satisfied with his recommendation.

“Well?” he asked.

“This is delicious… I could eat ten of these” he said as he took another bite.

 _“Last time we came here, you scolded me for eating three…”_ he thought. “I knew you would like it” he said instead.

“We usually don’t eat stuff so loaded with sugar in Japan” he commented innocently.

“No? What is life like in Japan?” he asked, the memories of the same conversation suddenly flooding his mind. At that time, Eiji had been shot by Blanca and he was resting on his bed. He had sworn to protect Eiji with his life that night.

“Mmm… You could say it’s a lot like New York in Tokio. Lots of crowds and cars… but there are other beautiful rural areas”

“Were you born in one of them?”

“Yes, Izumo.”

Ash thought of mispronouncing the name again, but he decided to say it right.

“I-zu-mo”

“That’s right! It’s very peaceful and quiet. Actually, you might think it’s boring”

“Not at all” he shook his head “Peaceful and quiet sounds perfect to me”

“Then you would love it there!” he said as he took a first sip of his coffee. The bitter flavor contrasted strongly with the chocolate bar he had just tried. He stuck out his tongue as he reached for the sugar. Ash giggled tenderly as he looked at him.

“Is there a family waiting for you back in Izumo?” he asked. He knew some things about Eiji’s family but he wanted to know more.

“My mother and a younger sister” he said as he stirred the content of his cup.

“They must be worried sick about you… you were shot, had a heart attack and you lost your memory. How is it that they haven’t come all the way here?”

“They… don’t know about the heart attack or my memory loss” he said, a bit guilty.

“Ibe didn’t tell them either?” he asked surprised.

“No, I asked him not to tell them...” he took another sip, now satisfied with the flavor “Maybe it’s hard to understand, but there are many things I keep from them even if I love them”

That was the first time he heard Eiji say that. And yes, he totally understood what Eiji was talking about. Many times, he himself had done the same with Eiji, telling him little white (or grey) lies so that he didn’t get too involved in something dangerous.

“I get it. That doesn’t invalidate your feelings towards them” he said more to himself than his friend.

“What about you? You told me your father is renting that condo for you… do you have more family here?”

“Ah, Max. You could say he’s the only family I have left. I had an older brother but he passed away a few months ago…” he admitted with a heavy tone.

“Oh, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s okay, don’t worry… He… had a disease for a few years and we knew it would happen. Now we know he’s resting in peace”

Eiji nodded without knowing what to say. He was good with people, and he could sense by looking at Ash that there was something deeper and darker behind his words. Despite his look, he seemed to have a lonely aura that spoke loud to him. He felt intrigued and curious about the man sitting in front of him.

“What about a girlfriend waiting for you in Japan?” Ash asked suddenly, making him almost choke with his latte.

“What?! No, no way…” he said nervous.

“No way?” he muttered to himself.

“I bet lots of women are interested in you though” he said as he took another piece of chocolate “you must be really popular in all your classes”

Ash giggled with a cocky smile. “I guess you could say that” he took a sip of his americano “But I don’t have a girlfriend”

“Eh? Why not?”

The waitress returned in that moment with her everlasting smile, his eyes glancing at Ash more than necessary. 

“Is everything okay here? Can I get you something else?”

“Oh, I’d like another cup of coffee please” Ash told her, returning his empty cup. “Eiji?”

“Oh, I’m still good, thanks”

She gave Ash a persistent look and she left.

“So…” Ash changed the topic “What do you feel like doing after this?”

Eiji didn’t know. As far as he knew, they would only have a coffee and then leave. He didn’t think Ash would have time, or would want to spend more of his time with him. He felt happily surprised, and the slightest spark of hope seemed to ignite inside of his heart.

“After this? I don’t know… What’s open at night?”

“You name it… This is the city that never sleeps for a reason. What would you like to do?” Ash kept his eyes fixed on the boy in front of him. He didn’t even look away when the waitress came back and left the cup in front of him, her number on a napkin. She huffed frustrated when she realized she didn’t get the response she wanted and turned around.

“So… is the Museum open at night?”

“Until 11 pm”

“Do you think we could go?” he asked eagerly.

And who was Ash to deny something to those big round eyes?

“Of course we can. Sounds great”

They continued with their drinks and finished the chocolate bars as they made some small talk. Ash told him about all the things they could do in New York, and all the places he should definitely visit. He also made sure to be very explicit of the places he should avoid. He didn’t want Eiji wandering alone where he could be recognized. Ash also re-learned some things about Eiji’s life, like the relationship he had with his younger sister, his achievements in pole vaulting and his recent love for photography. But they also talked about things they couldn’t talk about before, like fun anecdotes from Eiji’s childhood, movies, books and music. The whole fake life he had made up before was not really necessary. He could tell him about his life without Eiji pressing for more information he didn’t feel ready to give. Ash told him about the wonderful landscapes of Cape Cod, avoiding any unpleasant memories pushing in the back of his mind.He found himself telling Eiji real things about his life, only omitting some important details. 

Ash found himself lost in Eiji’s voice, relishing his words. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt like this. Probably it had been with Eiji too, one night in the apartment. Although their conversation never revolved around their childhoods, mostly because Eiji knew how painful it was for Ash, they did talk about life. Their life, that is. When Eiji knew Ash couldn’t sleep after he had turned off the lights, he called for Ash in a whisper, letting him know he was there. They talked about guilt and grief. They talked about Ash’s disgust towards his own body. How he could still see Shorter in his nightmares.

It was not a joyful talk, but it was intimate.

****

After they were done, Ash looked at the waitress’ number on the napkin. He left a couple of bucks on the table, next to it. Eiji felt a small and silly wave of relief.

“So? The museum then?”

“Yes! Let’s go!”

They started walking when the sun was very low and the temperature had dropped several degrees. People started to button up their coats, as they knew how windy and cold it could get at this time of the day. They walked in a comfortable silence the first block, exchanging a look that had Eiji hiding behind his scarf to hide the blush of his cheeks.

His stomach had been a rollercoaster the whole train ride before getting to the Library. He couldn’t believe his own nerve to ask someone for a coffee. Let him rephrase that: to ask a foreign guy he had just met for a coffee. He was absolutely sure he wouldn’t have done it if he was in Japan. And it was not only the country, but the person in question that made him gather his courage and ask. There was something about Ash that felt like a magnet, and after that open and honest conversation in the café he was sure it was not only an attraction. There was something else, and he wanted to know what it was.

Ash told him about the buildings nearby as they walked, to which Eiji nodded and made small _“hmmm”_ and _“aaah…”_ noises acknowledging the valuable information he was given. However, he was mostly focused on the other boy’s face. His jade eyes contrasted beautifully with his fair skin. His face was framed by long silky locks of blond hair, making him look out of this world. He fixed his gaze on him for a little longer than he intended.

“What is it?” Ash asked, facing him confused.

“Ah… it’s just that-”he paused.

“Yes, even my eyelashes are blond” he said with a knowing smile.

“Y-yeah… I just noticed that” he laughed nervously. For a minute, he was about to blurt out how beautiful he was.

They got to their destination after some minutes of talking. When they entered, Eiji was awestruck with how big the building was and he immediately took a picture of it.

“We can come again another day when there’s enough light for a proper picture” Ash suggested.

Eiji felt his heart skip a beat at the mention of coming again together. “Right!” he just said.

They started their tour with the exhibitions of different dinosaur fossils. Ash was surprisingly knowledgeable about it, and gave Eiji what seemed like a lecture about it. Then, they continued to the Hall of Asian Mammals and the Hall of Birds of the World.

They were almost the only ones inside the museum that night, so it was very noticeable to Eiji when suddenly Ash had stopped talking. He turned around to see him watching a small bird behind a glass.

“What is it?” Eiji asked in a whisper as he stood next to Ash.

“Nothing… it’s just…” he trailed off “sometimes I envy them”

“Whom?”

“The birds” he giggled “I know it sounds stupid, but I truly do”

“It doesn’t sound stupid, Ash”

“They have wings to fly…” Ash finished his thought, lost in the little creature in front of him. His mind was suddenly pulled back to the present when he felt a timid shoulder brush his own lightly.

“But humans find ways to fly too…” Eiji said looking through the glass, his voice still low. He then turned to look at him and realized he was closer than he had intended. Ash was looking at him now, completely focused on his face. His eyes studied him and he swallowed. It almost looked as if-

“SORRY GUYS! WE’RE CLOSING!” a voice called from behind them.

Ash turned around utterly annoyed at the guard. HOW DARE HE.

“I thought the Museum was open until 11pm” he said, not really trying to conceal his irritation.

“Yeah, sorry… We’ve got a problem with the water supply so we have to close” he explained, happy to leave early. 

Ash huffed and told him they would be leaving then. Eiji turned around and tried to take a couple of deep breaths to stabilize his poor heart. He didn’t know how much longer he could take this.

When they got outside the Museum, Ash offered a couple of other options for Eiji to choose. It was only 9 pm, but people had started to return home. It was too cold for an ordinary autumn night in New York.

They started to walk distractedly, when suddenly Ash’s trained ear heard a faraway but unmistakable shot. Just then, he looked inside the narrow and dark alley on his left and he felt his blood drain from his body. About 50 meters away, he saw Bones and Kong hiding behind a green container, gun in their hands ready to shoot someone who was coming for them.

“Ash? Is something wrong?” Eiji asked, looking at him and then trying to look inside the alley.

Bones turned his head and saw Ash in the street, Eiji by his side. His eyes became wide and in a fraction of second mouthed the word _“GO!”_ as Kong tried to peep behind them to see if the other guy was near.

Ash instinctively grabbed Eiji by the shoulder and started to walk hurriedly, rearranging his scarf to cover his face. If the other gang recognized him, they were doomed.

“Let’s go to my apartment.” he just said.

“W-what?” Eiji asked confused, his face bright red.

Ash continued to walk forward, his mind working at the speed of light. He needed to get Eiji (and his soul) safe. It was a mistake to plan something so late at night. He should’ve known this could happen, especially knowing there was something going on in downtown. This was definitely the gang Cain was having trouble with.

“Yes, let’s go to my apartment” he repeated, completely ignoring Eiji’s confusion and nervousness.

“I… Uh… I’m…” Eiji stuttered. His head was spinning. Maybe he was thinking ahead of himself, but the fact that it was already late and that western culture was different to his made him doubt.

Ash looked around, making sure they were in a different area. DAMN IT! If they were going to help Cain out today, they should’ve informed him first! Someone was going to get punched for this. Once he double-checked his surroundings, he looked down to finally see Eiji’s anxious expression. It took him a moment to figure out why. He felt a wave of embarrassment wash over himself.

“N-no, I’m sorry… I mean, let’s go to the area near my apartment. It gets pretty dangerous here around this time. We don’t wanna get shot or stabbed again, right?” he said jokingly.

“R-right!” Eiji laughed as well.

Just then, Eiji’s phone started to ring in his pocket. Ash released his shoulder, which he was still holding protectively, so that he could answer the call.

“<Hello?>” he answered in Japanese. “<I know… I know… but it’s only 9 o’clock, Ibe-san>”

Ash smiled when he heard the boy speak in his native tongue again. The last word he heard him say in Japanese was not one he wanted to remember.

“<Fine, fine… I get it. Okay, don’t worry>” he said as he hung. He huffed tiredly and he faced Ash. “Sorry about that”

“Was it Ibe?”

“Yes… he wants me to go home since it’s too late” he said with embarrassment “What am I? 14?”

Ash giggled “Well, he’s right about being worried. It can get pretty dangerous here at night”

“Well, yeah, I guess” he shrugged.

“Can I walk you home?”

“It’s okay, I’ll just take a taxi” he said pointing at the yellow cars near them.

“Can you text me when you get home?” he asked thinking of the recent shooting he heard.

Eiji’s heart skipped another beat at the question.

“Sure, I’ll text you” he said with a smile.

Eiji shivered. His hoodie was no longer enough to bear the cold. There was a silence between them in which none of them knew how to say goodbye. Ash's cheeks were slightly red from the cold weather, and he held Eiji’s gaze trying to transmit something Eiji couldn’t yet understand. He took a step closer and smiled softly.

“You’re cold” he said, grabbing Eiji’s hands between his. He pressed them together and tried to transmit some warmth to him.

“I-I am” he said, looking at his own hands between them. He watched Ash breathe hot air into them and rub them briefly. He then took his coat off and put it on Eiji's shoulders.

“Put this on”

“No Ash, I’m fine!” he said worried “You’ll freeze here!”

“I’ll walk a bit now and I’ll warm up. Plus, you can tell Ibe you need to meet up again to return the coat” he winked.

Eiji smiled and accepted the garment. “I’ll see you then” he said as he briefly squeezed Ash’s hand.

“See you, Eiji” Ash replied, his heart filled with that feeling he only experienced when he was beside him. 

When he saw the other get in the taxi, his expression immediately stiffened. He turned around and ran to the alley he had seen Bones and Kong in. Before getting there, he reached behind his waist and grabbed his gun. He didn’t want to think about how he was putting himself in danger because he knew he would doubt. Right now, it was his time to be Ash Lynx, one of the greatest gang leaders of downtown area, and a great leader doesn’t leave his boys to fight alone.

After looking for them for some minutes, he heard more gunshots coming from a more desolated area near a parking lot. He climbed to a rooftop and saw Alex, Bones and Kong shooting from behind a car and six other guys surrounding them.

He raised his gun, with six bullets exactly. He looked through the gunsight and the warm jade color of his eyes from the afternoon turned darker.

His date was over, and reality had woken him up with the sound of a gunshot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear things will get more fluffy and less angsty as the story progresses! Comments are always welcomed and thank you so much for reading!


	4. Commitment

Ash felt the familiar heaviness from his encounters with Death in his dreams. This time, however, he didn’t feel himself descend into a dark place. He saw himself sleeping on his bed, some minor scratches near his neck, and his hair completely disheveled. That night he had lured the other gang away from Bones, Kong and Alex. He purposefully shot them in their arms, hands and legs, avoiding their heads and chest. That should be a clear warning for them.

_“That looked like a lot of fun” an unmistakable voice said behind him._

_Ash turned around quickly, his heart beating fast on his chest as he saw the man standing in front of him. He still had his eyebrow piercings, his yellow vest and his signature sunglasses. His hair stood out the most with that vibrant purple he missed so much._

_Shorter._

_“No way…” Ash said completely frozen “This is definitely a dream…” he stated as he rubbed his eyes._

_“Way to deny your best friend Ash! Ouch.” The other said with his hands on his pockets._

_“Shorter?” Ash took a step forward and grabbed him firmly by the shoulders “You son of a bitch…” he said as he hugged him tightly._

_“Sup Ash. Long time no see” he smiled as he patted his friend’s back and then separated._

_“How… Why are you-?” Ash’s eyes now full of tears inspected him._

_“I’m dead. I know” he nodded rolling his eyes._

_“Shorter, I’m so sorry… I cannot-“ Ash shook his head in regret._

_“Heeey... I thought it was clear in the moment I asked you to do it. Nothing to regret, no harsh feelings”_

_“I shot you Shorter”_

_“You set me free” he said as he sat in one of the chairs from the room. “Now I can finally say I’m resting in peace”_

_“Are you?” Ash asked, now partly accepting whatever dream his sadistic mind was creating._

_“I mean, I cannot complain” he shrugged “But it looks like you still have some things to do here on Earth, right?”_

_Ash paused. “I think I died Shorter…” Ash sat on the bed close to his own feet resting on the bed. It was a strange feeling but he tried not to think too much about it. “No, I’m sure I died and I was rejected”_

_“Special treatment for the Lynx” he joked._

_“I chose to die, Shorter”_

_“Listen Ash, I always wondered this. How can you be so fucking brilliant for most things but be so goddam_ _n stupid for others? What the hell made you think dying was a reasonable choice?”_

_Ash looked at him and couldn’t help but smile. God, he missed his friend._

_“I guess I wasn’t being reasonable… I was tired and I wanted to go like I wanted to…”_

_“Which is…” Shorter prompted, a mischievous smile on his face._

_Ash glared at him trying to appear threatening, but the slight pink hue on his cheeks gave him away._

_“…with Eiji’s letter” he said as he broke eye contact. Shorter gave him a lively laugh, completely satisfied with Ash’s reaction._

_“The lynx became a little kitten!” he said as he continued laughing._

_“Shut up!” he said even more embarrassed, trying to slap his head. Shorter dodged it and took his glasses off._

_“Okay okay… sorry, I never had the chance to tease you about it. Now that I’m dead I have some privileges”_

_“You noticed when you were alive too? What… I felt for Eiji?” he asked in slight panic._

_“Ash… it was written all over your face” Shorter told him with a flat expression. “Back in Cape Cod you had these long stares you_ _shot at him, like he was some kind of treasure to you. Well, he still is” he said with a smirk._

_“Oh God, shut up…” he hid his face behind his hands._

_“…which takes me to the reason I’m here” he said in a more serious tone “what the hell are you doing Ash?”_

_“What do you mean…” he looked up, truly confused now._

_“I mean, what are you doing without a plan Ash? What are you gonna do after these little dates you’re having? Don’t you plan on giving Eiji his memory back?”_

_“What would I do that for?” he asked coldly. “Do you really think he would feel alright remembering how you ended? Or anything related to banana fish?”_

_“Well, I got news for you Ash. Those are Eiji’s memories” Shorter tried to soften his voice to get to his friend “…and you are inside those memories as well”_

_“Isn’t Ash Winston better for him?” he asked with a bitter smile._

_“Maybe, but he fell in love with Ash Lynx”_

_Ash’s heart started to beat fast again, this time because it was the first time someone had verbalized their feelings out loud. Shorter continued._

_“All I’m saying is that you’re giving up again before trying. A cute date is not all there is for you out there. Have you thought about actually escaping together this time?”_

_“Right, ‘cause that turned out pretty well last time”_

_“So? You’re gonna be Death’s little toy?”_

_Shorter knew he was overstepping a boundary there. Calling Ash a toy was big no-no for anybody who knew him well. The words however, seemed to move something inside Ash’s head._

_“What are you proposing?” he said after a moment._

_“Fight.” Shorter said, his eyes looking straight into Ash. “For once, allow yourself to dream a better life and fight for it”._

_Ash held his gaze, but didn’t answer. He seemed to be still digesting his friend’s words. Suddenly, Shorter stood up and looked out the window. Ash saw his body frame against the subtle light from outside._

_“It’s almost dawn”_

_“It is. Do you have to go?”_

_“I do”_

_Ash stood there in silence._

_“Shorter?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Is this really you? Or is it a dream?”_

_Shorter looked over his shoulder and smiled confidently at his friend. He put his sunglasses on and looked outside the window again, watching the sun rise slowly, bathing the city with the first rays of day._

Ash felt himself being slowly pulled back to his bed, the heavy sensation on his limbs. He tried to hold on to the memories of this heavenly dream, but it faded away as if he was trying to grab onto water. He turned around on his bed and pulled the covers all the way up to his nose. He slept for two more hours and then woke up disoriented. He sat on the bed and reached for his phone.

_From: Eiji_

_“I got home safely! I hope you didn’t freeze too much out there. Let me know when you want me to return the coat!”_

Ash smiled, his eyes still half lidded from his sleep. He answered immediately.

_From: Ash_

_“I actually need that coat pretty soon. Can I see you today?”_

_\-----------------------_

“You’ve been awfully distracted today Ei-chan” Ibe commented as they were working developing black and white photographs for Max’s journal articles.

They had been working since early morning in one of the small offices where Max was currently hired. It was all very convenient since they had him to talk to right next to them. The payment they were receiving was also enough for them to afford a hotel room and cover their basic needs. After all, Ibe and Eiji’s talent with the camera was undisputable. That morning however, Eiji had been spacing out since he woke up. They had had to come back twice to the Hotel for Eiji’s wallet and his camera.

“Sorry… I promise to focus on this” he apologized as he set his eyes on his task of selecting the pictures they would use from the digital camera.

“I’m not complaining, just wondering if you’re okay” the older man said as he pressed some buttons on the printer.

They both heard a knock on the door and saw Max enter with three cups of coffee in a cardboard tray.

“Heey” he greeted. “Am I interrupting something?” he said as he handed them a cup.

“No, I was just asking Eiji if everything is okay. His mind seems to be somewhere else”

The older men took a sip and turned to see Eiji staring at the coffee between his hands. He inhaled the scent and a bashful smile formed on his lips, completely daydreaming.

Max arched an eyebrow and then he laughed.

“Aaaah! I know where that type of smile comes from!” he put his arm around Eiji, shaking him from his brief flashback from yesterday’s date. “Did you meet somebody?” he prompted with a smug look.

Eiji laughed and thought about dismissing the topic, but when he looked at Max, he knew he wouldn’t believe it. It would be easier to tell Ibe if Max was there right?

“I… I actually met somebody” he said fighting the uneven tone of his voice, scratching his neck.

“Aaaah! I KNEW it!” Max said triumphantly “Leave it to me Eiji. I can advise you with anything you need”

“Your wife left you once, Max” Ibe interrupted flatly.

“Which proves how good I am with women. I married the same woman… TWICE”

Ibe laughed as he rolled his eyes and drank his coffee.

“Well… what’s on your mind? Do you think they don’t like you back?”

“Nothing’s wrong really, it’s just that… I get this feeling that I really want to see this person everyday” he felt his cheeks become a bit hot because of the conversation, but he felt like he needed to tell someone and it’s not like he knew a lot of people in New York.

“Well, that’s how it is…” Max nodded with his eyes closed, playing the role of the experienced adult full of wisdom.

“I actually want to see them today too… Do you think I’m being too pushy?”

“I think you should follow your heart Eiji” Max said lightheartedly. “If the feeling is mutual, then there’s no problem”

Eiji smiled and he felt a bunch of butterflies flapping their little wings in his stomach. Those hands holding his own yesterday night told him the feeling must be mutual.

“It’s almost 12 pm Eiji, if you need to go, you can go” Ibe said with an understanding sight.

“Thanks Max, thanks Ibe-san. I’ll tell Ash about you. I bet he’ll get along with you too. He’s super polite and smart. He could even help you out with your articles Max” he said happily as he put on his scarf and gloves, not looking at the two men behind him “Anyways, see you in the afternoon!”

Max and Ibe heard the door from the office close behind Eiji’s back, and the silence was almost palpable in the room. Max’s jaw was completely open, while Ibe’s eyes had gone impossibly wide and his coffee had stopped midway to his mouth. They both turned to see each other, unable to form a coherent sentence for some seconds.

“ASH?!?!” Ibe finally broke the quiet of the room with an incredulous shriek. 

Max finally let out a nervous giggle which then became an unrestrained and heartfelt laughter. 

“AND HERE I WAS WONDERING HOW I WAS GOING TO TELL ASH!” he kept laughing, little tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

“WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING SO MUCH ABOUT!!” Ibe slapped him.

“Sorry, sorry…” he tried to control himself.

“Isn’t this dangerous??” Ibe asked worried. “I had Eiji kidnapped, cut, injured and shot twice since we came here!!”

“And he came out alive from all of those” Max said with a much more put together look. “Ibe… you really think we can control the relationship those two have after all they have been through?”

Ibe sight, knowing his friend was right.

“No…”

“Now even without his memories Eiji feels drawn to him. There’s nothing we can do”

Max finished his coffee and tossed it in the bin nearby.

“Anyways… let’s get back to work. Ah! But remind me to call Ash later” he smiled playfully. This was definitely the best chance to tease his “son”.

\------------------

Ash had been in the New York Public Library since early in the morning. He told the gang to keep themselves safe for the day and work from the shadows gathering information about the other gang. After yelling at Bones and Kong for their actions, he learned that it had been an ambush. They had to be more careful next time.

With that solved, he headed to the library completely decided to look for any book what talked about the supernatural, death, souls, and spiritual matters. He never had a reason to study something which wouldn’t be useful, but now he had woken up determined to get to the bottom of this and free Eiji and himself from Death’s curse. He was going to try god damnit.

He sat down with a tall pile of books to his side and started scanning and skimming the pages. Celtic and Hellenic culture did not portray Death as he had seen it, so he put those books away. He looked through Slavic, Scandinavian, Baltic and Indian references, taking some useful notes but nothing that stood out for him. He read until he took his glasses off, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed. How was it possible he couldn’t find something important having so much information at hand?

He looked at the clock and saw it was almost 12. He sighed and closed the book in front of him, standing up from his chair. His research would need to wait. He would try to do this his own way.

\-----------------

“Can we take some pictures in Central Park after we finish having lunch?” Eiji asked.

Ash had insisted on grabbing Chinese food from Chang Dai, to which Eiji had gladly agreed. Nadia was not working that day (she was apparently on a date with Charlie), which in some way made Ash less nervous.

“Sure thing” Ash said as he continued eating his pork dumpling.

“I mean… Can I take pictures with you as the model?” Eiji asked again, trying for his best casual tone. 

Ash stopped the dumpling halfway to his mouth, and he looked at Eiji. He smiled satisfied.

“Sure” he just said.

“Thanks…” the other smiled, finishing his last spring roll. “By the way… how do you have so much free time? I thought you would be really busy with assignments”

“Nah, I guess I’m doing fine” he said without hesitation “I’m pretty sure I’ll pass”

“But you shouldn’t be skipping classes! I would feel awful if we were having lunch when you’re supposed to be attending classes”

“Aaww… Is onii-chan worried about me?” he teased almost as in automatic response. He wanted to take his words back as soon as he uttered them, and he looked up to see Eiji’s face.

The other young boy was looking at him wide-eyed and then a giggle escaped his mouth.

“Pppfff…onii-chan?” he chuckled “You silly American… that name is used when the other person is older than you!”

Ash let out a brief huff of relief. For a second, he thought he might have offended him. He decided to take advantage of the situation.

“So? You think I’m older than you?” Ash asked.

“I bet you’re older than me”

“Ouch. What do you want to bet?” he asked playfully.

Eiji laughed again. “You sound very confident…” he thought for a moment. “Hmmm… I cannot think of anything right now. What if I ask you when I decide?”

“That works for me” Ash wiped his mouth and opened the little mint candy they offered with the meal. He put it in his mouth and smiled “So? How old do you think I am?”

“Hmmm… I would say twenty one”

“Wrong. Eighteen” he revealed as he rested his jaw on his hand.

“No way!!” Eiji said with his eyes wide in shock.

“I win the bet, onii-chan” he winked “you owe me something I’ll ask when I decide”

“How did you know I was older than you? Do I look older to you?” he asked curious, ignoring the honorific he had repeated again.

“Not at all” he said as he signaled the waitress for the bill “but you told me you practiced pole vaulting in university, and now you’re coming with Ibe to help him out. So you must be… what? Nineteen?”

“You’re right” he blinked.

The waitress brought them the bill and Eiji insisted in paying half, but Ash refused. They got out of the restaurant, and Eiji started telling Ash about his morning with Ibe. Ash listened to what the other boy was saying as he payed close attention to his response to the environment. He was hoping the area would be powerful enough to break Death’s curse on Eiji, but it didn’t seem to affect him that much.

“I told Max and Ibe about you this morning” he said suddenly.

“W-what?” Ash jolted, now paying full attention.

“I told them about you, since they were going to ask where I was going” Eiji explained.

They both walked to the nearest subway station and were now waiting for the train to come.

“Aaah… right” Max was going to tease him for this. He saw it coming “Where they scared that you wandered about with an American?”

“Not really…” he said as they got on the train and started their trip. It was not crowded, so they sat next to each other.

“I’m glad to hear that… because I actually wanted to ask you something”

Eiji, who was looking through the window, turned around to face the blond.

“Would… you like to come with me to Cape Cod?” he asked, the words coming out more difficult than he had expected.

Eiji stared at him for the second time of the day. Ash saw a blank expression on his face and decided to elaborate further.

“Yeah… I mean, I know you told me you really enjoy photography, so I thought you would appreciate the landscape there”

“I see” Eiji said suppressing a smile.

“You can say no if you want” he was getting nervous again. Maybe he was pushing it a little “I need to go anyways because I have to-“

“I’ll go” Eiji interrupted him, smiling through his eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah… Cape Cod sounds nice” he said as he turned to see the city go by fast in front of his eyes.

He was happy, and something more than that. Eiji felt something warm inside his chest extend all over his body. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he belonged, which made no sense due to him being in a different country speaking to somebody from a different culture in a different language. But again, it was not just _“somebody”._ Ash was capable of making him experience the world in a different way. A voice inside his head told him that even if he lost his memories, that made him meet Ash. Because, what would’ve happened if he actually left in that plane that day? No, he doesn’t want to imagine that.

They got to Central Park in around half an hour. It was the end of autumn, but you could still see the beautiful and richly colored foliage of the trees. The crunchy leaves produced a satisfactory sound under their feet. Eiji took his camera out of his bag and started doing what he knew best. Ash stayed behind, looking at him do his job.

“It’s beautiful” Eiji beamed, looking at the yellowish tree tunnel in front of his eyes.

“It is” Ash said without taking his eyes off of him.

It was unusually cold for an autumn afternoon, almost as cold as this “nothingness” Ash had visited once or twice. He adjusted his scarf and looked at the faint light from the lamppost next to him. It was still 4:30 pm but the lights were already on due to the fog of the day.

_*Click*_

Ash turned around quickly to where the sound had come from. Eiji was still holding up his camera.

“Sorry! Should have I told you before taking it?” he asked startled.

“No, it’s fine, you just surprised me. Can I see it?” he softened his expression, trying to calm down his nerves. For a fraction of second he almost reaches for his gun.

“It came out beautiful. Your profile looks defined against the light”.

He showed him the picture, the blond positioning himself behind Eiji to have a better view of the camera. Ash was truly impressed. He knew Eiji was a good photographer, but his pictures were almost always taken in mundane places to show his true talent. This shot framed him from his chest up. His face was lit up in a flattering way, a pensive but natural expression on his face. His eyes also seemed lighter green looking directly at the source of light, and he could even see his eyelashes individually. Eiji had even captured a smoke of hot air leaving his mouth.

“Wow… you’re really good”

“The model helps a lot” he said without really thinking about it. He blushed a few seconds after.

“Let’s see if I can give you a few more shots then” Ash said. 

Eiji followed him excited for the other’s cooperation. They walked around Central Park, talking like they used to do just some months ago. They laughed and fooled around like best friends would do, stopping by in certain spots where Eiji thought was great for a shot. Ash posed naturally, feeling himself more comfortable in front of a camera than any other time. Perhaps one of the benefits of living as Ash Winston was detaching himself from Ash Lynx. It was okay for him, Ash Winston that is, to allow himself to do this. They walked around until it became too dark for Eiji to take a good quality photo.

They sat down in one of the solitary benches as they felt the temperature drop several degrees.

“Are you cold again?” Ash asked, a trace of complicity in his voice.

“I made sure to come prepared this time” he giggled buttoning up his green jacket.

They sat in silence for a moment, taking in the view. Central Park had a different vibe at night for sure. The trees in front and behind them were decorated with white string lights all around them, and the semi damp earthy smell of the ground made them feel like they were far away from New York.

“I’m glad I didn’t go back to Japan…” Eiji almost whispered, a fume of hot air leaving his lips as he looked up the moon in front of them.

“I’m glad too…” Ash said, his eyes fixed in Eiji’s. The other boy turned around and held his gaze.

Eiji looked the same and yet so different. His eyes somehow still reflected all he had endured with him in his odyssey against Dino, Arthur and Foxx, but they had not lost their dreamy brown sparkle.

He reached for him and cupped his cheek feeling the contrast between its warmth and his cold fingers. Eiji didn’t turn away or distanced himself, he waited carefully as if he was afraid to scare him. Ash ran his thumb across the soft skin and came a bit closer, enough to breathe the same air now. He saw Eiji swallow, and he tried to look for any clue that would count as a flag to stop, but he didn’t find any.

He felt himself lick his own lips briefly before he lowered his eyes. Eiji’s were slightly parted, his breath coming a bit quicker now that the blond had come even closer. He took a last look at him, searching for confirmation in his eyes, and he leaned in.

It was a cautious but most loving kiss that had Eiji clasping one of his fists into Ash’s jacket, with a slow but sharp inhale. He felt soft and warm lips barely slide against his own, but it was all he needed to start melting into it. If someone was staring at them right now, he couldn’t care less. All that mattered in that moment were the fingers caressing the back of his head pulling him close, and those lips pressing intimately against his own.

Ash broke the contact slowly, opening his eyes to see the other boy with his face flushed.

“I needed to…” he just said, his voice almost inaudible. “I’m sorry if I was too-“

But Eiji shut him up with another kiss. He put his hands around his neck, holding him dearly as he pressed their lips together, a bit more firmly and desperate now. Ash felt his heart racing on his chest. Eiji was kissing him back willingly this time, no pills or tricks as an excuse. He felt his knees weaken, the question hanging in his mind. Was it possible…?

“Eiji…?” he asked hopefully searching in his eyes.

“That…” Eiji said with a bashful smile “…that was my first kiss”

Ash felt a bittersweet wave of emotions wash over him. Eiji did not remember. He had confirmed however, he was Eiji’s first AND second kiss, and he smiled satisfied with that information. He brushed the tip of his nose against Eiji’s.

“I feel like I could die right now” Ash said half laughing at the irony, wrapping Eiji in his arms.

“Please don’t” he pleaded in a muffled voice against Ash’s jacket.

“I promise I won’t. I promise”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaa! This chapter was harder to write than the others! As always I hope you enjoyed it, and thank you for your lovely comments!


	5. Cape Cod

_[…And tell me if I lie down, would you stay now?_

_And let me hold you, oh._

_But if I kiss you will your mouth read this truth,_

_Darling how I miss you, strawberries taste how lips do,_

_And it's not complete yet, mustn't get our feet wet,_

_'Cause that leads to regret, diving in too soon,_

_And I'll owe it all to you, oh, my little bird,_

_My little bird._

_If we take a walk out, in the morning dew,_

_We can lie down, so I'm next to you,_

_Come inside for a little homemade tea,_

_And if you fall asleep, at least you're next to me,_

_And if I wake up, say it's late love, go back to sleep,_

_I'm covered by nature, and I'm safe now,_

_Underneath this oak tree, with you beside me…]_

The lyrics from the song coming out from the radio made Ash quirk an eyebrow and glance at the Japanese boy sleeping in the passenger seat smiling fondly. He lowered the volume and continued his driving, pleased with the road ahead of him.

It had been two days since that kiss in Central Park. They decided to start their trip to Cape Cod on a Friday afternoon since Eiji insisted on a weekend to make sure Ash didn’t skip any classes. Ash agreed to that, so they would return on Sunday afternoon. He had business to solve with the other gang anyways, and two days were enough to talk (threaten) the other leader to leave Downtown and Cain’s gang alone. After that, he had told Alex he was in charge for now, since he needed to leave the area for a couple of days. Needless to say, Kong, Bones, Sing, and Alex himself had taken no time in figuring out why he had to leave. He had been texting with a stupid grin on his face the whole time, and he was in a good mood too. Well, a good mood considering who Ash Lynx was.

Now he had been driving for four hours, and his eyes were feeling a bit tired but he was content. He couldn’t remember a trip like this with Eiji before. Just the two of them for no other reason than enjoying the view and resting. Well, that and his attempt to make Eiji remember everything. He hadn’t seen Death in the last couple of nights, and he didn’t really know whether that was something good or bad.

“Hey..” a sleepy voice said next to him, stirring in place.

“Hey there, did you sleep well?” he said with his eyes still on the road. Max had lent him the pickup truck after several teasing comments. Ash could’ve just used his own car, but he thought it was too luxurious. Plus, Eiji had been in Max’s car before. 

“I did” he replied, stretching his arms in front of him “Aren’t you tired? Do you want me to drive?”

“It’s okay. We’ll be there in a couple of minutes”

Eiji thought about insisting but then changed his mind. He looked at the interminable road and the landscape in front of him, so different from Japan. It had not been an easy task to convince Ibe to let him go, but after speaking a bit more assertive and firmer about his decision to make this trip, Ibe had just sighed and agreed. He understood his parents had entrusted him with the responsibility of keeping him safe, but it was also true he was 19 years old and was mature enough to decide where to go.

As Ash kept driving, his mind started sinking into a spiral of anxious thoughts. Yes, it was a happy-anxious kind of feeling, but soon he started putting himself in other case scenarios. What if Eiji actually recovered his memory? That would be great, wouldn’t it? But what if Eiji finally comes to his senses and decides to leave New York and stay as far away as possible from him? That would make sense, Ash knows. He also thinks about more trivial, but still anxiety-triggering cases, like sharing a room again. They shared a room long enough to recognize each other’s breathing when sleeping. Ash knew exactly what shampoo brand was Eiji’s favorite, and how long his showers take. But he knows that this is probably new for Eiji now. He took a deep breath as he grabbed the wheel tighter. 

They got to Cape Cod in about an hour and a half more of driving, so it was already 7 pm. Ash parked the car in the cozy hotel near the beach he had booked and got off the car. Eiji did the same, carrying his bag in one shoulder and going around the car. Before walking to the entrance, he saw Ash standing there, looking at the sea spreading infinitely before his eyes, contrasting with the orange shades of the sunset. The scenery was beautiful, but something in Ash’s expression kept him from speaking. He could not find the right words to describe it. The Ash in front of him seemed suddenly too distant and nostalgic, almost as if he was another person. This place most surely held more memories and importance to Ash than what he had said. It was as if he was encountering an old rival he felt tired of fighting.

Ash looked at him taking a deep breath. “Shall we check-in?”

“Yes, let’s go” 

After checking in, the lady at the reception gave them the key and welcomed them. They walked to their room and Ash opened the door. He had asked for a room with two twin beds, just like the ones they had in their condo. It seemed nice; not too fancy, not too cheap. There were wooden panels on the walls and blue curtains in the windows. Some shelves and a mirror completed the look of their basic room. 

Ash dragged himself inside and let his bag drop to the floor. The minute Eiji closed the door behind them, he sensed something change in the atmosphere, but he couldn’t tell what exactly. He started taking his jacket and sweater off, leaving him in a white t-shirt, but as he turned around he saw Eiji purposefully focused on his own bag, avoiding to speak or look at him.

Right.

This Eiji was not used to see him undress like this, even if it was just taking off a sweater. The other Eiji had dragged him half-naked from the bed and put him in the shower. The other Eiji had taken care of his body after a shooting. This Eiji was still developing feelings for him and would blush at the slightest comment. Just this morning when he went to pick him up, he had greeted Ash with a kiss on his cheeks, face completely red. This was Eiji’s first relationship (if he could call it that), and he was behaving like any first-timer would do. 

“Are you hungry?” Ash asked.

“I am” he replied looking at him slowly “But I feel more tired than hungry, and I bet you too”

Ash sat down on the edge of his own bed, completely exhausted. “True. Maybe we can go grab something for dinner after a couple of hours”.

“Are you going to take a nap?”

“I should try and rest a little, you should too. I can set an alarm”

“Right” Eiji took his shoes off and reclined on his own bed, his muscles visibly tense.

Ash watched him for a couple of seconds. It hurt somehow. It hurt to know he was the only one who could feel this comfortable with Eiji and feel this familiarity around him. He sighed and scooted over the right side of his bed.

“Eiji” he called. The other boy opened his eyes attentively. “Come here” he said patting the spot on the mattress. 

Eiji’s reaction was exactly as he expected, opening and closing his mouth without an answer.

“You can say no if you want to. I’m not gonna feel offended” he said with honesty.

Eiji seemed to struggle internally, but then stood up and laid next to him, hiding his face under Ash’s neck. The blond breathed the scent of fresh shampoo in Eiji’s head and smiled. He was feeling so exhausted that he missed how Eiji’s heart was beating fast against the bed when he put an arm around his shoulder. He fell asleep almost immediately, forgetting about the mixed feelings Cape Cod gave him. This was the place where everything started, where that fucker had ruined his childhood forever, and where his father had practically kicked him out after Griffin went to war. But this was also the place where he and Eiji had returned, almost trying to rewrite his memories of it.

Eiji witnessed Ash sleep for two hours straight. At first, he was feeling so nervous that he couldn’t sleep at all. However, after a couple of deep breaths, he felt his own breathing match Ash’s peaceful one. He was mesmerized with how intimate sharing a bed felt, even if it was on top of the covers and just for a nap. He had never been this physically close to another human being, and part of him wanted to stay awake to relish the feeling a bit longer. Even in his white t-shirt, Ash felt warm. He separated a bit from him, just enough to study his face. He didn’t dare to move his hands, but he traced every detail with his eyes. He followed the path where a strand of blond hair was resting against his face, and he noticed small scars he hadn’t seen before. He noted some other scratches on his neck as well, and he wondered if he had got them from when he was stabbed. He scooted close again, a satisfying leathery scent invading his senses and making him breathe deeply. He felt blessed like this and he couldn’t ask for more.

After the alarm went off, Ash stirred still sleepy and took a moment to remember where he was. The sun had already gone and he could hear the waves outside the window. They had forgotten to pull the curtains, so the light coming from outside was enough for him to trace the objects inside the room. He smiled at the soft big eyes looking up at him.

“Hey…” Ash said, his voice hoarse from his sleep.

“Hey” Eiji replied.

“Could you sleep?”

“Yeah” he lied. It would be embarrassing to admit he just laid there for two hours with his eyes closed enjoying Ash’s even breathing. For some reason, knowing he was sleeping peacefully was recomforting to him.

“Good. I just had the best nap ever” Ash rubbed his eye with the back of his hand and then hugged Eiji tighter. He was wearing a cotton hoodie, so he felt extra cuddly.

He saw Eiji stare at him and swallow. He knew the boy had been probably thinking about their kiss the whole two days they were separated, and honestly, it had been the same for him. Kissing was something he knew he and Eiji had experienced differently. The first time, Ash honestly didn’t think much of it since it was his priority to give him detailed instructions of his plan. It felt different from the kisses stolen by gross men, it was true, but it was not born out of love either. His second kiss, however, had been a first kiss for Ash too. It was Ash’s own decision to kiss somebody just because he wanted to, not because he had to. He had simply felt the need to lean in and connect their lips.

He held Eiji's gaze just as before, and he closed the distance between them and chastely kissed Eiji again. He felt the other boy's lips tighten, definitely more nervous this time. He stroked his hair affectionately and waited for the other boy to even his breath. After a moment, Eiji came closer and planted a shy kiss on his lips, slowly giving up to his own feelings. They kissed gently and lovingly. Ash caressed the back of Eiji’s neck a bit more before pressing their bodies closer. He felt Eiji’s fingers tremble and leave feather-light touches over his neck, his heartbeat now noticeably faster to him. Ash felt something ignite inside his lower belly, something primal and sensuous. He hastened the kiss involuntarily, indulging in his newly discovered desire, somehow entranced by his own inexperience. 

“Eiji, part your lips” he whispered, his voice hoarse and husky to his own disbelief.

Eiji’s cheeks blushed harder but he complied and Ash deepened the kiss, the tip of his tongue exploring just past his lips, marveling when he was met with the same sweet taste he remembered so well from several months ago. He heard Eiji let out a whimper when he licked his bottom lip and, without warning, suddenly Eiji was the one controlling a longer and more urgent kiss. The sudden loss of control got his heart beating faster from surprise, but he was aware there was another feeling trying to make his way up to his chest apart from this newly discovered want.

Eiji’s lips moved by mere instinct and need, he could tell. His hands were still trembling, now clasping at his t-shit behind his back, and then slowly traveling through the sides of his torso. He heard his heart ringing in his ears, but he was no longer sure if it was only the kiss or the fact that the light coming from outside was not enough to see. The lips moving against his and the tongue swirling with his own were becoming unfamiliar, too distant, and unpredictable. Breathing was becoming difficult and he tried to force his mind to stay in the present. He shut his eyes even tighter, pushing away all memories linked to any kisses cruelly ripped from his mouth.

He suddenly felt a single touch of fingers against a patch of bare skin of his side and his body reacted quicker than he expected. He broke the kiss violently and grabbed Eiji’s wrist tighter than he wanted to. His eyes were a fiery green and his breathing was quick. Eiji was staring in shock, his eyes full of regret and shame. Ash let go of him immediately, blinking several times like coming out from a trance.

“I’m sorry Ash, I’m sorry…” Eiji apologized getting up from the bed as if it burned to touch it.

“No, Eiji… I swear it’s okay… you didn’t-“ he tried to speak but Eiji was clearly not going to believe him after that.

“I don’t know what got me, I lost myself in the moment there, but I shouldn’t have, really” Eiji hid his face behind his hands and sat far away on his own bed.

Ash’s state of mind was a wreck. He was trying his hardest to stop the panic attack threatening to show his ugliest in front of Eiji. He couldn’t get his breath to even out, so he stood up hoping Eiji didn’t notice him shaking, and headed for the bathroom.

“I swear you didn’t do anything wrong” he tried to explain, his voice uneven “Can we talk later?” he almost pleaded.

“Sure” he heard the other respond quickly before he closed the door behind him.

He turned on the light, blinding his eyes in the process, and felt his own body tremble completely cold. He slid against the door and let his body become small, his chest going up and down with a labored breath. He hated himself. He hated his body and what those sick bastards had done to him, but more than anything, he hated his mind for bringing up such repulsive memories in a moment that was supposed to be pure and intimate. Never in his life he had experienced the slow building of desire consensually. As far as he knew, kisses were just a mere starter dish before being devoured by one of Dino’s clients. How was it possible they still had the power to keep _taking_ from him, even when there were not on him anymore?

He got up and let some cold water run in the sink. He took a look at himself in the mirror. This is what Eiji had seen; a pale, scared, and vulnerable Ash. He must have thought he’s crazy. He’s the one who took a step further and then he acts like Eiji had done something terrible and indecent to him. Of course, Eiji didn’t want anything from him he wasn’t willing to give voluntarily, memories or not. Any decent human being knew that, but his body seemed to react automatically. He had ruined this for both him and Eiji, and he felt stupid and guilty for that. He felt his body shudder with more force now, and he couldn’t fight the tears any longer. He sobbed in silence, grabbing the fabric at the level of his chest painfully tight. 

He splashed cold water on his face and focused on his breathing.

_In… out..._

He should’ve seen it coming. Eiji, the one who remembered, would never lay a finger on him without asking _._

_In… out…_

He knew exactly what he had gone through, and accepted him nevertheless.

_In… out…_

This Eiji didn’t know. He was just letting himself be carried away and enjoy their kiss. This realization hurt him deeper. He missed the Eiji who knew him exactly as he was, corrupted and broken, and loved him anyway.

_In… out…_

He cursed Death as he understood the game now. Having exactly what he wanted, he felt incredibly alone. He missed his Eiji. He missed being scolded for drinking soda. Even with their unresolved tension, he missed what he had with Eiji precisely because he knew it was unique. 

After taking a final deep breath, he patted his face dry and tried to refocus his mind on the boy waiting, and probably dying from guilt, in the other bedroom. He opened the door and saw Eiji anxiously fidgeting with his hands, still sitting on this bed.

“Are you okay?” he asked concerned.

“I’m fine now” he answered, more confident this time.

“I understand if you don’t want me to sleep in the same room. I can go and ask for another room, really” he offered quickly, not meeting his eyes.

It pained Ash to hear him like this.

“No Eiji, I swear it’s okay” he walked closer and sat in front of him, looking serious but kind. “Why don’t we go and grab some food? I swear we can talk while we eat”

“I’m not asking for an explanation” he said.

“I know. I want to tell you anyways if that’s okay”.

Eiji finally looked at him in the eyes and nodded “Okay, let’s go.”

They put on their coats and went out of the room. They walked silently to one of the restaurants open at night, and they ordered a badge of french fries and chicken nuggets.

“You want to eat them in the hotel room?” Eiji asked.

“Let’s go to the beach” Ash suggested. “You don’t mind having a little sand on your shoes, right?”

“It’s okay, sounds nice” he nodded.

They both walked until they got to the beach. It was already late, but the moon was bright enough for them to see each other. Ash was glad they had put their jackets on since it was kind of cold near the sea. They could hear the waves come and go, and nothing else.

“I was born here in Cape Cod” Ash broke the silence between them. “My brother Griffin and I spent most of our childhood here” he said looking straight in front of him.

“The one who passed away?” Eiji asked carefully.

“Yes. I hold many of my memories here” he said. “Good ones and bad ones”.

Eiji looked at him. He didn’t know what to say so he kept listening. There was something different about the man talking next to him.

“I went through some shit” he said grabbing a fry and dipping it in ketchup. “…and now I get a bit jumpy when people touch me without warning, or when it gets too dark” he said as he hugged his knees and ate his food.

Eiji looked at him shocked but understanding. Even if he didn’t know exactly what happened to Ash, he could see the experience had left deep-rooted marks on him. He suddenly thought it was very acceptable to think Ash was younger than him.

“I don’t want pity or condescendence” Ash continued, interrupting his thoughts. “Don’t treat me any different because of this”

“I wasn’t going to…” Eiji said. He took a chicken nugget and played with it for a bit before eating it. 

They both looked at the everlasting tidal come and go in silence. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through something like that” Eiji said finally, his tone serious but honest. He didn’t mean anything more than his words.

“I enjoyed the kiss” Ash said. He wanted to leave that clear for Eiji. “I had never felt like that before” he smiled like that first time Eiji visited him at the hospital.

“Me neither…” Eiji admitted. “I never thought I would…” he trailed off, embarrassed to finish his sentence.

Ash let out a soft laugh and then inhaled deeply. The smell of the ocean seemed to clear his mind. 

“Let’s go. I’m freezing here”

That night, they came back to the hotel and started planning the activities for the next day. They left everything prepared and each went to their own bed to sleep. When Ash turned off the lamp of his bedside table, he closed his eyes, mentally focused on what was about to happen. He was either going to have a nightmare, or pay Death a visit. After some minutes of fumbling around, he started feeling the typical cold sensation on his limbs, and his body sinking into the bed.

_He was back into the nothingness. Everything was still completely dark, and Ash found himself alone._

_“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU FUCKER!!” he screamed calling Death._

_“My, my! Your temper seems terrible today Lynx…” the black smoke echoed in his ears, slowly materializing into a genderless human figure again._

_“Cut the crap. What the hell do you want from me?”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“I know what you’re doing. What is it that you want?? SPIT IT OUT!”_

_“Oh… so you finally realized your Eiji is not really the same Eiji who fell for you. Are you ready to let it go?”_

_“Let it go?” Ash asked confused._

_“Yeah, his soul” the entity said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Sorry, I thought you were the genius here”_

_“His soul?”_

_“Okay, apparently not.” If it had eyes, Ash would’ve seen them roll right now. “I told you the first time: You came here with another soul, one that doesn’t belong to hell. And even though I am Death itself almighty, I cannot take a soul away when it was given to you voluntarily. Even less when it’s not the time for that person. Yet.”_

_Ash’s eyes widened. This was its plan all along. To make him reject Eiji’s soul so that Death could send his sinful one where it belonged. He felt something change inside his heart, suddenly feeling ahead of this sadistic entity._

_“Well, you can sit down and wait for that to happen” he said confidently._

_Death let out a tired huff. “Ash… Ash… Ash…” it sighed again “Didn’t you already realize you CANNOT be with this Eiji? What kind of relationship do you expect to develop? You’re flawed, corrupted, broken… “ it gestured its hands in the air, trying to come up with more synonyms “messed up!”_

_“I’m not gonna let you get into my mind again…”_

_“So are you really gonna forbid him experimenting his first love like any teenager?”_

_That hurt, but he didn’t falter. He looked straight into the figure._

_“Fine” Death agreed “Have it your way Lynx. I’ll see you again soon”_

_Before he could say anything, he felt quickly being pulled up to his bed._

His mind took command before his body, and he heard Eiji’s voice calling his name and a warm hand shaking his arm.

“Ash!! Ash!” Eiji called, too desperate for this time in the morning.

He finally stirred in his bed and opened his eyes lazily, adjusting his vision.

“Eiji?”

“Oh thank God Ash… you scared me!” Eiji said resting his forehead on his hand, but then letting him go and giving him space.

“What happened?” he asked confused.

“I dropped my bag and I was sure you would wake up. When I turned around to see you, it looked like you were barely breathing. I came closer and tried to wake you up, but when I touched your hand you were freezing!” Eiji explained quickly, mispronouncing some words.

“Sorry… I get very cold at night and I’m a heavy sleeper” he lied rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”

“It’s 7 am…” Eiji still looked worried.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Um… I received a call from my mom a few minutes ago” Ash sat up on the bed as Eiji spoke “…she apparently knows what happened and is coming to America to take me home”. Eiji sat on his own bed and tugged at his hair. 

“I’m sorry what??” Ash was fully awake now. “W-when? How??”

“She received a letter from the medical insurance company. She read the details of the procedures and... well. Her plane should arrive tomorrow in the afternoon. She told me she would stay one night only and then would drag me back home if necessary… I had never heard her so mad at me before”

“So you have two days left in New York…?” Ash colors had drained from his face.

Eiji nodded and they both stared at each other, the truth unspoken.

“Are you planning to leave with her then?” he stood up and started to look for his jeans. 

“You don’t know her. I don’t have a choice” 

Ash fumbled around the room trying to make sense of this new information as he got dressed. This was Death’s doings, he was sure, but what was the point?

“Do you want to go back?” he asked struggling with his shoelaces. 

“No, I would still like to spend the day here. I can drive back tonight and you can rest”

“Let’s grab breakfast outside then. There are a few places I’d like to show you”. 

The day went by too quickly for Ash. Eiji seemed to forget about his mom’s call for the day. He took more than a hundred pictures of the vast fields, the small shops, and the iconic beaches. Ash purposefully drove to the same lake near the willow tree they had visited before, but nothing seemed to shake Eiji’s head in the slightest. Ash was beginning to lose hope. He had tried kissing him and showing him one of the most meaningful places for them. They had even met in the library for the first time, dammit! 

As Eiji was currently taking some professional shots of the sea from the cliff where they were standing, Ash knew they were running out of time. They hadn’t talked about what they were going to do when Mrs. Okumura got to America, but Ash supposed it was not really something Eiji needed to figure out. Obeying his mother was the obvious choice, and he was a simple love interest from another country. He grew even more desperate at this thought. 

“Do you like it?”

Ash blinked twice, looking at the camera in front of him. On the small digital screen, he saw Eiji’s work. 

“Looks great. Ibe is gonna be proud”

“He’s gonna be envious!” he said with a confident grin. 

Ash smiled, but then his expression changed. “Should we get going?” 

Eiji turned off his camera and gazed at the calm ocean in front of him. There were some clouds beginning to gather in the sky. “Yeah, we should”

They returned to the hotel and put their bags in the car. They hadn’t even had time to get anything out of them. Ash offered to drive first, then he promised to accept Eiji’s help. They left Cape Cod earlier than they expected, but they were satisfied nevertheless. Eiji had been more careful with being too close to Ash, but the blond had noticed and grabbed his hand in silence as they walked near the willow tree. They hadn’t kissed again, but after what had happened last night, it felt right to just hang out together holding hands. 

Ash drove in silence. He saw Eiji look through his camera and smile satisfied with his work. 

“Eiji” Ash broke the silence “about your mom-”

“There’s someone with a gun in the car behind us” Eiji interrupted quickly, his eyes fixed on the mirror on his right. 

Ash’s senses sharpened in a fraction of a second and looked at the rear-view mirror. He felt his stomach clutch when he recognized the faces of the gang members he had shot before. One of them was trying to aim at his wheels. Ash turned the wheel abruptly just in time to avoid the shot. Eiji dropped his camera between his feet with the sudden move.

 _Fuck._

“STOP THE CAR LYNX!” he heard the man scream. 

Eiji was breathing hard, his hands trembling. “What’s going on? What do they want??”

“I have no idea, but we won’t stay to figure it out” Ash said, trying to conceal his own panic. He was not panicking because somebody had shot, but because he had no idea how he’ll explain that to Eiji if they faced them. 

He tried to speed up the car, but the other car was faster and in way better condition than Max’s old car. They were also in the middle of the highway and there were no other cars around. Escaping was not going to be so easy. 

“Ash!! They’re almost behind us!!” Eiji screamed. 

“Do you trust me?” Ash’s voice was too calm for a situation like this. 

“W-what?” Eiji could hear more shots behind them.

“Do. You. Trust me.” he repeated as he looked at the rear-view mirror once again, knowing they would be there any second. 

“I do!” 

“Then stay low and unless I tell you to, don’t look.” he said in a commanding voice. 

Once he finished his sentence, he changed lanes and stopped the car abruptly. 

“Hide.” he commanded again, and Eiji obeyed still confused. 

He saw the other car run past them a few meters and then the screech of the tires was heard loud and clear. He got off the car and reached behind his back for his Smith & Wesson. Without thinking twice, he took a second to aim and pulled the trigger at the driving seat. 

“He got him! He got him!” he heard the other two guys scream inside the car. 

Ash hid behind the pickup truck, waiting for the two other men to come out. When they did, he put a bullet straight to their fingers, destroying them completely. Then, he walked towards them, exuding a menacing aura. 

He grabbed one of them by the jacket “What the hell do you want” he whispered aggressively. 

“You’re a demon!” the other man told him from the ground, holding his hand trying to stop the bleed. 

“I could kill you. You tried to kill us” he replied coldly. 

The guy he was holding shook his head “N-no, please, let us live… our boss just sent us and we obeyed”

Ash was about to shout at him when he felt a pair of eyes looking in his direction. He looked over his shoulder and saw two shocked and terrified eyes staring at him. He was still holding the other guy, but he let him go. 

“Go.” he ordered them in a low voice. “Tell your boss to come and fight me alone if he still has business with me, but I’ll put a bullet between his eyes, I promise.” he almost growled. 

The two men nodded energetically and got in the car. Ash turned around making sure to block Eiji’s visual field so that he couldn’t see how they pushed the body of the driver to the side. The car left as quickly as it had come. 

“You okay?” Ash asked worriedly. “Are you hurt?”

Eiji was visibly trembling, his breathing coming quick. His brown eyes reflected nothing but sheer fear.

“Ash…” he swallowed. “...who are you?”

And with that question alone, Ash Winston crumbled into pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update took longer! I hope to be able to write more often next time!   
> (Also, this chapter came out sadder than I intended!)


	6. Aslan Jade Callenreese

Ash Lynx is currently staring into the white ceiling of his room in his apartment. It’s six in the morning and he’s feeling sleep deprived after spending the whole night replaying yesterday’s scene in his mind. The look of fear in Eiji’s eyes was something burned into his memory with a hot iron. 

_“Ash…” he swallowed “...who are you?”_

He turned around and faced Eiji’s empty bed. He had tried coming up with an explanation, telling him how this was something he had learned from his brother, then trying to explain how this had all been a misunderstanding. Eiji seemed to grow more and more confused with each word leaving his mouth, so he had shut up. He became quiet and promised Eiji to take him back to Ibe safely. Eiji had nodded and pretended to sleep most of the trip. Before leaving, he saw Eiji look at him, a question hanging in the air. 

_“You know where to find me in case you want to tell me what happened” he had said before getting off the car. “What really happened”_

_Ash avoided eye contact and looked straight in front. “Good night, Eiji”_

Ash kicked the covers down and buried his face in one of the pillows. Eiji’s mom would soon arrive and take Eiji to his country. Wasn’t this what he wanted at the beginning? Somehow, it felt wrong now. This wasn’t supposed to be how things ended. 

He heard his phone ring and he answered it, waiting for the other person to speak first. 

_“Ash?”_

“Alex” he recognized the voice. 

_“Ash… Miles wants to fight you alone”_ he informed him.

Ash tried to get his brain working but he couldn’t. “Who the fuck is Miles?”

_“The boss from the gang trying to take over Downtown”_

Ash sighed. He didn’t have time for this.

“What does he want? knives? Does he promise to leave when he loses?” 

_“Yes, he said that in fact…”_

Something seemed off about Alex’s voice, but Ash couldn’t tell what. 

“Is that all?”

_“Well… it is… but something doesn’t make sense”_

“What is it?”

_“This guy… Miles, he’s just a nobody. I don’t understand why he just challenged you like that. The guys you shot yesterday left his gang, and now he comes asking for revenge…”_

“Well, he’s incredibly stupid” Ash said as he shrugged. “How do you know this?”

_“He sent another guy to talk to us. He was looking for you this morning, but he didn’t find you”_

Ash thought about it for a moment, but then looked at the clock on his nightstand. 

“Could you just tell him to meet me near the harbor on Tuesday? I’m kind of busy right now”

 _“Are we scheduling murders now?”_ Alex asked jokingly.

“Not really, I’ll actually try to convince him to leave. I might scare him at first but, judging by his actions he’s probably just THAT stupid” 

_“Fair”_ he heard Alex reply. _“Do you need help from the gang with whatever you’re doing?”_

“Not really. Different business”

_“Eiji”_

“Shut up, Alex.” 

He heard the other man laugh half-amused; half scared. He would not try to push it further. 

_“Let me know if you need anything. Bye Ash”_

“See you”. 

He ended the call and headed to the bathroom. He needed to keep his mind busy before it started falling into a self-hating spiral again. He scrubbed his skin rougher than he should, almost trying to wash off the terrible feeling of those fearful brown eyes after he had seen him being… Ash Lynx. 

He shook his head and rinsed his body. He patted his hair dry and then put a towel around his hips. He stood in front of the mirror and his eyes lingered on the right side of his waist, where Eiji’s fingertips had kissed his skin lightly. He ran his own fingers over the area and took a deep breath. He usually avoided looking at himself in the mirror after a shower. As a child and a teenager, he felt humiliated to see all kinds of shameful marks on his body. He despised them. Now, a part of him wished to see any proof of Eiji’s touch on his skin. Another part of him was still too terrified to even think about it. 

He shook his head and got dressed. Regardless of the future, he would give his all to try to find a way to break Death’s spell. He was going to read every single book in that library to find something that could work. Forty hours was still enough time to solve this. 

He walked to the library and selected a whole new stack of books to read. This time, he was going to read the holy books of every religion to find a light of hope. After a few hours of continuous reading, he closed the Arabic book in front of him and pushed it to the side. He took the next one from the pile and his heart skipped a beat when he read the title: 

**“The Book of Yokai: Mysterious Creatures of Japanese Folklore”.**

It rang a bell. 

It definitely rang a bell. 

He suddenly remembered his conversation with Eiji several weeks ago. This should be it. He opened the book and frantically looked for a keyword in the index. 

_“Shinigami…”_ he whispered as he ran his finger over the word and then to the right to look at the page number. 

He flipped the pages almost sweating, his heart hammering inside his chest. He was met with a breathtaking illustration of a dark figure in the book and then he began reading. 

_“Shinigami, Grim Reaper, death bringer or "death spirits” are gods or supernatural spirits that invite humans toward death in certain aspects of Japanese religion and culture. Shinigami have been described as monsters, helpers, and creatures of darkness.”_ Ash muttered to himself. 

He was sure now, this was it. He was so damn close. He scanned the pages, skipping information about the origin and other details until he found a paragraph which caught his attention: 

_“[...] the shinigami was the spirit of a deceased one and had bad intent, and acting in jointly with the malicious intent already within people who were living, those people were led on bad paths, which caused repeat incidents to occur at places where there was previously a murder incident, for example by causing the same suicide at places where people have hanged themselves before.”_

He jumped scared when he felt his phone vibrate inside his pocket. 

_From: Eiji_

_[Can I see you today? I really need to see you today…]_

Ash’s heart was beating fast. Was he mad? disappointed? Either way, he needed to read that particular book FAST or it would be just too late. 

_From: Ash_

_[I’m happy you texted me, but I really cannot today]_

He sighed and tried to find a paragraph with the word “soul” in it, but his phone interrupted again. 

_From: Eiji_

_[That’s too bad… I really wanted to see you, Ash. My mom got here two hours ago. I came to get her to the airport, but she said she already has the tickets to go back to Japan today. Our flight departs in a few hours…]_

Ash’s chest was suddenly becoming too tight. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t real. He was just too fucking close to find the answer and now all his plans were changing. He couldn’t let Eiji leave. He just couldn’t. 

He stood up abruptly causing his chair to screech against the floor, earning a reprimanding look from the librarian. He looks at the book open on the table, and he doubts for a second. He turns around frustrated and leaves it behind as he starts running to the airport. 

Again. 

He sees people turn around to see him running like a madman, he feels the concrete buildings go by quickly, and the cold wind against his face. All that’s left in his mind is Eiji. He needs to run faster, be on time now. 

As he was approaching the bench where he had read Eiji’s letter before, something in his mind turned a switch on him. Before even having enough time to connect what his instincts were telling him, he saw a tall man come from behind an alley, a knife in his right hand. As his momentum kept moving him forward, one of the man’s hands took him by the shoulder and the other directed the sharp blade of the knife straight into his jacket. It was a clean and deep cut near the pocket. 

And nothing more. 

Ash reacted with cat-like reflexes, taking the man’s wrist and twisting it so hard he felt it snap under his palm. He heard the metal of the knife hit the concrete and then pushed, who he assumed was Miles, inside the alley he had come from. 

“You…” Ash breathed heavily, half because of how much he had run, half because of this Deja Vu he had just experienced. “You don’t deserve to live…” he huffed.

“I had no chance against you!! This was the only way!” the man screamed back pathetically, trying to crawl on the floor. 

Ash looked at him, his fury and frustration concentrated in one person. He reached for his gun, but a voice from the end of the alley stopped him. 

“ASH!” it was Cain. He came running with Sing beside him. “We found you…”

“What are you guys doing here?” 

“Alex told me Miles challenged you.” Sing explained “I talked to Yut Lung and he did some research for us. Turns out this bastard has tried to pull off the same trick in other areas before. Challenging leaders and then stabbing them in the back. Literally”

Miles had tried to escape dragging himself on the floor. 

“Don’t even think about it!” Cain shouted as he gave one solid kick straight to his head. The man laid unconscious on the floor. “We’ll take him. It was us he was messing with, now he has our attention”. He lifted him up like he was a rag doll and started walking away from them. “Sorry for the trouble Ash!” he waved goodbye as he disappeared. 

Sing looked at Cain go, and then his eyes returned to Ash. He was almost trembling. 

“Ash? You okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Eiji…” he said, his voice was a whisper “I lost him again...”

“What the.. what happened to him?! Where is he?” Sing asked alarmed.

“The airport… I’m not gonna make it” 

Sing opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to express anything remotely coherent. 

“YOU STUBBORN IDIOT!!” Sing screamed at the top of his voice, startling Ash “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SEE THIS HAPPEN?!” he rummaged inside his pocket and took out a key. 

“Is that…?”

“Shorter’s motorcycle.” He smiled proud to be the one having the key “I parked it just around the corner. GO!”

Ash heard a voice inside him point out he shouldn’t let Sing shout at him like that, but he was too dumbfounded to say anything. 

“GO!” he heard Sing scream once again, and this time he snapped out of it. He ran and got on the bike. He felt the machine roar eagerly when he started it, almost as if it was Shorter himself encouraging him to get to the airport. 

He rode the bike faster than ever in his life. He was almost sure his heart was pumping adrenaline alone instead of blood at this point. He took the fastest road but it was still crowded with cars, so he avoided them dangerously fast. If he stopped for a minute and actually thought about how he was putting himself AND EIJI in danger right now, he would slow down. And he couldn’t. He needed to be there quickly. When he arrived at the airport, he made a mental note to thank whatever guardian angel he had for doing his job for once. He quickly parked the bike and stumbled inside the huge building looking desperate. He had to find Eiji, even if he didn’t have a plan. 

****

Eiji checked his phone for the twelfth time in 10 minutes. Ash hadn’t replied, and that hurt more than he expected. 

“<Who are you waiting for?>” his mother asked him in a cold tone. She was still extremely pissed about Eiji keeping so many secrets from her. Some of which she still didn’t know. “<you haven’t stopped looking at your phone>”

Eiji smiled sheepishly. “<Just some friends. They said they would come to say goodbye>”

“<They are not so good friends if they put you in danger>” she commented as she flipped through the pages of her magazine. They were waiting in the common area of the airport. 

Eiji stayed quiet. He looked at his phone again. No new messages. 

“<We should just go through security>” she suddenly said closing her book. 

“<So early? We still have plenty of time>” Eiji asked nervously. 

Mrs. Okumura just stood up and walked towards Ibe and Max who were talking in English. 

“You think Ash knows?” Max asked anxiously “I’ve tried to call him but he doesn’t answer”

“This is all my fault…” Ibe said massaging his temples. 

“No one saw this coming Ibe, don’t be so hard on yourself”

Mrs. Okumura stood in front of the two men. The atmosphere was tense with her presence.

“<Ibe-san, I’m taking Eiji home now>” she said in Japanese, and her tone became a bit softer “<I know you tried to do all you could for him. I’m grateful for that… but nothing is worth losing my son>”

“<I understand. I’m sorry for all the trouble we caused you>” Ibe responded as be bowed briefly as an apology to the woman. 

“<Tell your friend I’m grateful he hired Eiji for his articles>” she said pointing at Max. 

Max nodded quickly as if he had understood a word. Eiji had come closer too, ready to say goodbye to Max and Ibe. He hugged Max first, thanking him for everything he had done. Max hugged him tightly. There were so many things he wanted to tell him, so many things they had achieved together, but he just smiled. Then, it was Ibe’s turn to hug the Japanese boy as he thanked him for trusting him all these months. Eiji waved them goodbye and he felt his heart shattering into pieces as he checked his phone one last time. He lined up behind his mother to go through security and closed his eyes. 

He could picture Ash, all the details of his face he had memorized. Each golden lock falling on his face. The green of his eyes, inviting him to look deeper into him. There were so many things he wished he had told him. He wished he had the chance to tell him how he felt around him. He lacked the vocabulary to express his complex feelings when he spoke, but maybe if he had a pen and paper, he could try to write them down. It was too late now. 

He took a step forward when the people in front of him moved. After this, there was no way he could see Ash again. Somehow, he knew it. 

He took another step forward; the security guard was checking everyone’s passports and plane tickets. 

He wished he had the chance to listen to Ash explain what had happened yesterday. He was scared, it was true, but not from Ash. The moment he saw Ash holding the man by the jacket, he saw a beast in its pure form. He saw the other men’s dread in front of Ash, but his eyes were still kind and warm when he looked at him. He needed to hear Ash speak frankly, to trust him. 

He took another step forward and he saw his mom show her passport and her ticket. 

It was frustrating. He knew all the pieces were connected; Ash, Cape cod, the condo, the library, Ash’s brother, but there was something missing. 

He blinked and saw the officer in front of him. He checked his passport and ticket and crossed the glass wall, waiting for the plastic bins to put his stuff inside. He took a last glance to Ibe and Max, waving his arms saying goodbye, and then he saw him. 

Ash. 

He saw his blond hair, completely disheveled. He was bumping into anyone who stepped into his way, desperately looking for him. He saw him find Max, talk to him briefly, and then their eyes met.

Ash came running and put his palm on the glass wall dividing them, wishing he had the power to break it into a million pieces. Eiji saw the blond talk to him, but he couldn’t hear him, the noise from the airport being too loud. 

Eiji put his own hand on the glass, mimicking Ash, and smiled holding his tears back. 

“Your turn kid” the officer said, hurrying him up. Eiji looked at him and nodded. 

Time froze.

Ash saw Eiji’s eyes become glassy. He tried to think of something to say to make him stay, but he couldn’t think of anything. He felt his cheeks wet, some tears rolling down freely. 

“Eiji…” he said, savoring his name. 

Eiji was about to take his palm out of the window when he saw Ash speaking, almost mouthing some words at him. He read his lips, each word that left the blonde’s lips accelerating his heartbeat:

_“My soul is always with you too…”_

  
  
  


And so it happened. 

His eyes widened and he felt a wall crumble inside his head. His memories coming like a flood on his mind, making him dizzy and almost fall on the spot. Ash Lynx, the gang, Shorter, Skip, banana fish, the trip to Cape Cod, Arthur, Yut Lung, their condo, Max, Ibe, Nadia, Jessica, Blanca, Ash’s past, Dino, the hospital, the willow tree, the library, Halloween, the pill, Ash’s kind eyes, Ash’s nightmares, Ash’s tender hands, Ash’s ‘onii-chan’, Ash’s mood, Ash and his avocado and shrimp salad, Ash and Griffin, Ash’s fears, Ash’s beautiful green eyes, Ash's soft giggles directed at him only, Ash’s blonde eyelashes, Ash’s mind... 

Ash’s soul.

He looked at him in shock, paralyzed for a second, and then started shouting his name.

“ASH!! ASH!!” he screamed almost banging the glass in front of him. His mom turned around confused. 

“<Eiji! What’s wrong with you?>” she said, putting her shoes inside the last bin. 

But Eiji couldn’t care less about any kind of authority right now. He couldn’t care about security protocols or his mom disinheriting him. He made his way back to the common area, ignoring the shouting from the officers trying to stop him. 

He ran, dropping his bag in the process, and launched himself into Ash’s arms. They hugged tightly and started crying as they trembled. The officers going after Eiji looked at the scene and stopped, confused on how to proceed, so they left him alone. 

“Please please please please…” he heard Ash sob; his voice muffled by Eiji’s green jacket “...please tell me you remember who I am”

Eiji smiled as tears kept streaming down his face “Hi, Aslan...” he managed to say.

He felt Ash hold him even closer, almost as if he wanted to keep him inside his heart. 

“I missed you…” he said in a high-pitched pained voice “I missed you so much… I thought I would never have you again” 

“I said forever, didn’t I?” Eiji softly ran his fingers through Ash’s hair, comforting him like he had done a million times before. 

Ash finally let go of him, taking a proper look at his face for the first time since that day in the hospital when Eiji was still recovering. They were both a complete mess, but it was perfect. THIS was all he ever wanted.

“<Eiji!>” he suddenly heard behind him. 

He turned around remembering his mother could see him from where she was. He smiled completely terrified but a hundred percent sure of his words:

“<I cannot leave mom! I’m sorry>”

He picked up his bag from the floor and grabbed Ash’s hand, all embarrassment completely gone now. His manners demonstrated the same familiarity, comfort, and warmth as always.

“Let’s go home, Ash” he smiled, the last tears leaving his eyes. 

Ash intertwined their fingers and squeezed his hand before kissing his forehead and start walking together. 

  
  
  


This time, he was not Ash Winston. He was not Ash Lynx.

He was Aslan Jade Callenreese. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, I really wanted to write this chapter. There's only one more to go, but I've been thinking about writing a sequel to this fic. What do you think? Would you be interested?
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for reading!


	7. Afterlife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!!! 
> 
> Btw, I read a comment from someone who pointed out there was a scene that reminded them of an illustration from official art. I did write at least two other scenes thinking of official art from Banana Fish. Let me know if you can recognize any others in the comments!

Ash and Eiji got out of the airport, almost running between giggles to the parking lot where Ash had left the motorcycle. They hadn’t even stopped to talk to Ibe and Max on the way out.

“Quick, let’s go.” Ash said with a lively smile looking behind them. They looked like little children running away after breaking mom’s favorite vase.

“Are you worried about the officers?” Eiji asked sitting behind Ash, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“What? I’m worried about your mother” he chuckled looking over his shoulder. “She must be the most intimidating woman I’ve ever met”

“She’s like half your size” Eiji laughed.

“She has the power of taking you away. Terrifying”

“No one has that power anymore, Ash” he said, resting his cheek on his back.

Ash started the bike and drove, completely relaxed now. He felt Eiji’s warm chest and tummy pressing against his back, his breathing reminding him he was alive and well. He felt like he was soaring over the pavement. His heart was swollen with love and peace. It was a sensation he was not used to, but he cherished it. Neither of them said a word, but they knew exactly where they were going. Ash parked the motorcycle in the street and they went up the elevator, still holding hands.

“Eiji!” a feminine voice called before the doors closed. A woman in her 60’s hurried and entered the elevator with them, completely thrilled to see Eiji “Why! It’s been a long time since I last saw you dear!”

“Hi Mrs. Coleman” Eiji greeted her, a bit self-conscious of his body language towards Ash.

“Hello Ash” she greeted the other boy “you’re looking as great as always” she briefly directed a look at their hands “…well, you seem even better now!” she laughed contentedly.

Ash smiled and nodded politely.

“Take good care of this boy, will you Ash?” she pleaded “I remember him asking me for healthy American recipes... All because a certain somebody didn’t like his Japanese dishes. He truly cares about you”

Eiji widened his eyes, embarrassed and exposed. Ash grinned and eyed Eiji amused.

“I will Mrs. Coleman. I will”

“Oh, this is my floor. It’s nice to see you two” she said as the doors opened and she left them alone.

The elevator kept going up and Eiji sensed Ash open his mouth to speak.

“DON’T. Say anything about it. I still think natto is delicious.” He interrupted the blonde before he had a chance to speak.

GOD he missed him. He missed him so much he couldn’t wait until they got home. Luckily, home was a few steps away. Ash rummaged through his pocket and got the keys. He opened the door and they both walked inside. Ash closed the door behind them and they both stayed standing still for a moment, taking in the view of their apartment.

“How could I not recognize this place?” Eiji finally said.

Ash looked at him, trying to decide whether he was truly looking for an explanation. He stayed in silence. Eiji faced him now.

“How could I not recognize  _ you? _ ” he said, emphasizing his words. “I’m so sorry Ash…”

“Shhh…” they hugged again, this time with no witnesses. “You cannot blame yourself for this”

Ash held him tight. Their bodies fit perfectly in that position.

“I have so many questions…”

“I’ll answer them all” Ash promised “we’ll talk about whatever you want to talk about, but let me hold you a bit longer for now”

“Let’s go sit down” Eiji patted his back tenderly “something tells me we’ll be like this for long”

Ash separated for a moment, his hands grabbing Eiji’s fingers softly, then going up his arms, his neck, and finally cupping his cheeks. He started walking, making Eiji walk backwards as they made their way to the bedroom. Eiji smiled, no nervousness on his system. They entered the room and took their shoes off. Eiji climbed into Ash’s bed first, leaving enough room for the blond to follow. They held each other tenderly, Eiji leaving small kisses on Ash’s forehead and his hair, and Ash hiding his face in Eiji’s chest. Their legs were intertwined.

Contrary to their last time in this position, Ash's heart was finally beating in peace. The smell of fresh laundry and softener was invading his senses, and the texture of the soft blue wool against his hands was recomforting. He felt tears pool in his eyes again, but he did not feel any pain. These were tears of relief, and he made no effort to let them run down his face. He wanted to stay like this forever. He felt protected and loved. He felt as if he were something precious when Eiji’s fingers massaged his scalp like this.

“It’s okay Ash…” he felt Eiji whisper “I’m not going anywhere”

“What about your mom?”

“I turned off my phone”

Ash giggled. “That’s bold”

“I’m a bad boy” Eiji replied, chuckling too. 

They stayed like that for some minutes, Ash relaxing under the touch of his caresses.

“Ash…” Eiji breathed “I missed you too”

“Did you miss me even when you didn’t remember who I was?” he asked amused.

“I did” he answered in all seriousness “I missed this”

“I should’ve told you before how I felt about you.” Eiji said.

Ash separated to look at him in the eyes.

“Did we really need to say something?” the blond smiled confidently “We risked our lives for each other multiple times. We went through things no one else has gone through together”

He swallowed, holding Eiji’s gaze.

“Eiji, even saying ‘I love you’ right now feels like an understatement” 

He heard Eiji’s breath catch on his throat. Then, he swallowed hard and smiled.

“It does. But I love you Ash, I want to say it anyway. It’s the closest way to summarize what I feel for you. I love you”

He pushed Ash’s ear right next to his heart and he continued talking.

“I love you whole, Ash” he paused, breathing in and out slowly, as proof that his words were something thought and real, and not just a spur-of-the-moment. “I love every part of you”

“You’re gonna make me cry again” Ash protested delighted to hear those words.

They both smiled. Eiji noticed the sun going down and tried to stand up.

“I’ll go turn on the lights”

“Stay” Ash mumbled, grabbing him by the waist. Eiji could swear he could hear him pouting.

“It’s getting dark”

“It’s okay”

“Ash…”

“It is.” He said, this time looking at him into the other’s eyes. “I promise I won’t freak out”

“That’s not-“

“I know, I know. That’s not what you meant” he shuffled on his bed and pulled Eiji back so that they were in the same position as before, their foreheads connected. “Please don’t blame yourself for what happened that night” he finally said.

Eiji’s expression was clearly full of guilt “How could I not? Ash… I cannot believe I didn’t remember-”

“I was turned on.” he said bluntly. It was almost a confession. Maybe it was. “I felt turned on for the first time in my life, and I panicked because I didn’t know what to do”

Eiji blinked, the faintest hue of pink visible on his cheeks. “…but I did scare you”

Ash sighed. “It’s true, you did. You touched my waist and I just reacted”

“I’m so sorry for that.” he said with honesty.

“It’s okay now. The fact that you remember everything now makes a whole world of a difference”

“I do remember everything…” his eyes trailed off to Ash’s lips. He wanted to say something else. He wanted to ask Ash about the kiss again, but he interrupted his thoughts. 

“So, I took your first and second kiss huh?” he smirked. Eiji’s eyes came back to meet his satisfied expression.

He rolled his eyes. “You ARE a pretty good actor, aren’t you?” he said with an unimpressed expression. “A literature student? Really?”

“I wanted to impress you” he said rolling to his back, still smiling proud of his doings. “You fell for me”

“Oh, I fell for you? It was you who pulled me in for that kiss if I’m not mistaken” he answered back, lifting himself up in one elbow to look at him better “Who would imagine you would be such a cliché boyfriend, huh?” he was mercilessly teasing him now “just wait until I tell the gang all the places you took me for a date”

Ash opened and closed his mouth becoming more and more flustered with each of Eiji’s words.

“You wouldn’t DARE to tell them”

“Oh, I can imagine Alex’s expression already…” he snickered.

Ash attacked Eiji’s ticklish stomach. Eiji tried to defend himself but it was too easy for Ash to predict his movements. He got on top of him, sitting on his hips and holding his wrists with one hand only, tickling him with the other. He let go of him when he heard him plead for air. Ash looked at him from above. Eiji’s hair was a mess from wriggling around so much, his face flushed from laughing, and his lips were parted trying to gasp for air. Ash wanted another kiss, but something inside him kept him from just taking it. They needed to talk.

He returned to his original position and sighed. Eiji had calmed down and turned to see him.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I.. I am not sure you’ll believe everything I need to tell you” he said overwhelmed.

“I’ll believe you Ash, I promise”

“Even if it sounds crazy?”

“Well… that’s been us since we first met, right?”

And so he told him. He told him absolutely everything he knew. He told him about what had happened with Foxx, fighting side by side with Sing and Blanca, about Dino and his only good deed in life when he shot the other bastard, about him reading his letter and being stabbed by Lao.

He watched Eiji’s heart break through his eyes. He knew this was not going to be easy, and he wasn’t sugarcoating the truth either. He had decided to die, it was true. Eiji cried, raw and anguished sobs making him convulse as Ash kept speaking. He saw anger and disbelief in his eyes too, and he made him promise never to think of doing something like that again. They took a break sitting on the end of the bed, hugging for a while as they waited for Eiji to be ready to hear the rest of the story.

When he had composed himself, Ash continued with the most… unorthodox details. He had died, people had clinically confirmed his death, and then he met Death. He had basically pissed Death off because he had shown up with another soul. Eiji’s soul.

Ash watched Eiji’s face change from pain to confusion, then, his expression was unreadable, so he just decided to continue with his narration, hoping more details would prove he was telling the truth. He told him everything, including his almost second murder when he was running to the airport.

“You almost get yourself killed AGAIN?!” he asked in panic.

Ash raised his index finger with eloquence. “…but I didn’t.”

Eiji blew his nose. All this crying was making a mess of his face.

“So…” he reasoned trying to follow the logic of Ash’s story “I got my memories back because…” he thought for a moment, then nodded with his eyes wide, a smile forming on his lips “…because I got your soul now”

“Are you going to believe me just like that?” Ash asked in shock.

“Of course, it makes sense” he shrugged “that means I have your soul too, Ash Lynx” he stated with a grin.

Ash smiled too, not really knowing what to believe, but happy nevertheless. “Why are you so proud of that?”

“You gave me the most precious thing you had,” he explained. “I feel honored”

“I wouldn’t describe it as precious though. It belongs to hell”

“It belongs to me” he declared “And Death can judge that again when we’re both old and wrinkly” he said, leaving a small kiss on Ash’s nose.

They both smiled and Eiji stretched his back, tired. He let himself fall on the bed again.

“I’m gonna kill Max if he deleted any of my photographs” he pouted. “And I cannot believe how everyone plotted against me” he crossed his arms over his chest, pretending to be offended.

Ash giggled and stood up. He looked at the clock on his nightstand.

“It’s midnight… we’ve been talking for hours”

“Old times”

“Are you going to call your mom?” Ash asked, the faintest clue of anxiety on his voice.

“Not today”

“Are… are you going to stay here in New York?” he asked with hope.

Eiji lifted himself up on his elbows. “Let’s decide that together. I want to stay with you. I don’t really care where we decide to live as long as it’s the two of us”

Ash let out a breath full of relief. “That sounds perfect”

“C’mon… let’s go to sleep”

Ash showered first, the hot water feeling perfect against his skin. He put on a white t-shirt and boxers. It was just like before, but better. He brushed his teeth and slid under his covers. He texted Max, Ibe and Sing meanwhile Eiji showered. He needed to let them know everything came out fine after all. He couldn’t help but laugh when he read Max’s reply. He had to offer his own house so that Eiji’s (furious) mom could stay for the night. Eiji would have to call her in the morning.

He saw the other boy come out of the shower wearing his cotton pajama. He saw Eiji walk to his own bed and doubt for a moment.

“Sleep with me tonight” Ash asked him, his voice completely unfluctuating and confident.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I will probably have a nightmare tonight. I want to have you close to me” he confessed.

Eiji smiled and slipped under the covers too. They hugged and found a comfortable position quickly, face to face.

“This is heaven” Eiji smiled. “We should sleep”

“Yeah, we should”

“Good night, Ash” he said as he started to close his eyes.

“G’night”

Ash tried to hear the noises outside their home. It was a very quiet night. He could hear Eiji’s quiet breathing, and he heard himself swallow.

“Eiji…” he whispered.

“Hm?”

“Can I try to kiss you again?”

Eiji opened his eyes at the blonde’s words. He swallowed too.

“You want to kiss?”

He scooted closer, caressing his cheek. “Yeah… I feel so happy right now that I feel like I need to kiss you”

Eiji thought about coming closer, but he was not sure what was his safest move. Ash seemed to read this.

“Just…” he came closer “stay like that” he asked him.

He pressed their lips together and kissed him shortly. He smiled after the kiss, proud of himself, encouraged to go for another.

“This feels so good…” he whispered against Eiji’s lips with his eyes closed, almost surprised.

Eiji was concentrating every brain cell on staying still, eyes closed too. “I-it does”

“I want to be able to kiss you in all different ways”

Eiji felt weak. “I would love that”

“…but I’m not sure if I will ever be able to do that” Ash told him, opening his eyes, the tone in his voice becoming darker.

It took a moment for Eiji to understand his words. He opened his eyes and saw the outline of Ash’s facial features in the dark. He was worried and insecure.

“And that’s okay too” he smiled softly. “My love does not depend on that”

“So you would choose to be with me even if I cannot give you that… or something beyond that?”

“You already give me so much,” Eiji answered, stroking his cheek. “I would choose to be with you no matter what. I’ll never demand anything from you, Ash”

Ash needed every inch of his heart to hear that. In fact, that’s what he always needed to hear. He needed to believe in unconditional love again, after years of everyone expecting something from him. It was hard to do it, but with Eiji and everything he had done for him, he had a reason to believe again. He was going to try his best.

He snuggled against his chest and drifted off to sleep. He didn’t have any nightmares that night, but he did pay Death a last visit.

_ “I almost got you, didn’t I?” Death asked. It was floating around in its smoke form around Ash. _

_ “Almost” Ash replied, in a neutral tone. He was not being cocky, or scared. He knew this was goodbye. _

_ “Did you figure it out after reading that book in the library? Maybe I underestimated you” _

_ “I didn’t. I knew the answer was somewhere along the lines, but I just ran to Eiji without a plan” _

_ “I didn’t underestimate you then” The smoke turned into a human form in front of him. “I almost got you killed in the same spot twice. I was close” _

_ “Is this what they call “a close experience with Death”?” he asked amused. _

_ Death opened a wide mouth with a phantasmagorical smile. _

_ “Second chances are rare. Use yours well, Lynx”  _

_ “I will” _

_ “I’ll see you again” _

_ “I know. That’s exactly why” _

_ As he was being pulled up, he saw the black figure cover its head with a black cape and materialize a scythe between its fingers. _

He shivered beneath the covers, but he felt a warm pair of arms wrap around him. He inhaled deeply and continued sleeping.

****

“I had never seen you so terrified in your life” Eiji told Ash. They were both standing outside Max’s door.

“Shut up” he said with a tremble “Your mom is scary”

Eiji giggled “Can’t you use your charm with her?”

“I feel like she would see straight through me”

Eiji considered this and agreed.

“Plus, I cannot understand a word she says. You need to teach me Japanese”

“I will” he squeezed his hand and breathed in. They interchanged a look and Eiji knocked on the door.

Max opened the door almost immediately after the knock, his eyes expectant. He saw Ash and launched himself forward to hug him.

“Ash!” he said.

“Aaaggggh… let go of me old man!” Ash protested as he squirmed between his arms. He stopped fighting after a moment and patted his back.

Max apologized with a smile and hugged Eiji next. The Japanese boy hugged him back, happy to finally know exactly who he was.

“Nice to see you Eiji”

Max stepped aside to let them in. They walked inside and saw Mrs. Okumura sitting on the couch in the living room. Max excused himself to give them some privacy.

“<Hello mom>” Eiji greeted sheepishly.

Mrs. Okumura stood up with her brows furrowed. She looked at her son and hugged him, leaving Eiji completely surprised.

“<Oh Eiji… How many times are you going to break my poor heart?>”

“She’s not mad?” Ash whispered confused.

“<…and I’m so mad at you for ignoring me for so long!>” she said, separating herself briefly to look at Eiji with a more serious tone.

“Ok, she’s mad” Ash confirmed by her voice.

Eiji scratched the back of his neck and took her hands between his, leading her to sit down again. Ash imitated them, sitting beside Eiji.

“<Mom…>” Eiji began, his honest brown eyes looking at her sincerely “<I’m sorry for hiding my injuries from you. I shouldn’t have, but I was scared you would make me go back to Japan>”

“<Of course I would! And just before I came Ibe-san told me you lost your memory! Why didn’t you go back immediately?>”

Ash tried to follow the conversation, but his inexistent knowledge of the language did nothing for him. He felt Eiji grab his hands and shoot him a reassuring look. He knew what he was about to do and his heart started racing inside his chest.

“<I stayed for him>” he said, turning around to see his mom, still holding Ash’s hand “<This is the person I love, mom”

He saw his mother widen her eyes, looking at Ash, then looking at Eiji again.

“<Ei-chan… are you sure?>”

“<I am mom. I cannot leave New York as long as Ash is here.>” he declared.

Mrs. Okumura looked at Ash again. Ash tensed and held her gaze, not really knowing what to do. He squeezed Eiji’s hand and whispered.

“Can you tell her that I promise to take care of you? Forever?”

Eiji blushed and looked at him flustered. “Ash! I cannot tell her that!”

“<What did he say?>” his mother asked, curious to see her son’s reaction.

Eiji pouted and glared at Ash. “<He promised… to take care of me forever>” he translated, his cheeks completely red.

She giggled and let out a defeated breath before speaking.

“<Why did you have to fall in love with someone on the other side of the world?>” she asked, resting her cheek on her hand.

“<Y-you are not mad that I like guys?>”

“<I kind of always knew it. I’m your mother after all, Eiji Okumura>” she smiled and pulled him in for another hug. “<The only reason I was so mad was because I was scared to lose you. You’re my only son>”

“<I’m sorry mom>” Eiji said, fighting the tears pooling in his eyes.

Ash watched the scene, inferring what had happened. Something in his heart felt warm, and hurt at the same time. That was what a loving mother should do, he thought.

“<How do I know he deserves you?>” Mrs. Okumura asked Eiji, looking at the blonde.

“<Ask Ibe-san. Ask Max>” he answered quickly.

“<Can’t you two come to Japan then? I’m willing to let him stay home>” she offered.

Eiji thought about it for a moment. He knew his mother was really trying to get him home and she was being very understanding. He felt blessed with her offer, but he knew better.

“<Thank you, mom… but I don’t think we can go immediately. I promise to go home soon, but we have many things to settle here in New York first>”

Mrs. Okumura sighed again. “<Please come home soon>” she asked “<and tell Ash to learn Japanese soon so I can communicate with my son-in-law”

Eiji’s blush crept back to his face again.

Ash reacted to his name and asked worried, “what did she say about me? Does she hate me?”

Eiji turned around and grabbed his hand again “We’re staying in New York, Ash. I think she accepted you”

Ash’s eyes widened and looked at Mrs. Okumura “<Thank you very much>” he attempted to communicate in a heavy accent. 

Before she could reply, a cheerful voice interrupted them.

“Ash!!” Michael called happy to see him. Ash stood up and extended his arms just in time to catch him.

“Michael! I’m glad to see you buddy!”

“You hadn’t come in a while, I missed you!” he said, still hanging from his neck.

Ash smiled. “I’ll come more often; I promise”

Mrs. Okumura watched the scene and smiled satisfied.

“You’ll come more often. Oh, God help me” Jessica commented as she appeared on the room, her signature smile on her face. “Lunch is ready.” she announced.

All of them sat down on the table. The scene seemed surreal for Ash. They talked like a normal family, Eiji serving as an interpreter for her mother. Max joked around with some terrible puns which made Ash roll his eyes and made Eiji laugh. Michael told Ash, tugging at his sleeve, how great things had been between their parents those last days. They spent more time together now, and even though Jessica seemed cold sometimes, she always greeted her husband with a kiss when he came back from work. They talked and laughed, passing the food around. Ash felt a hand beneath the table grab his own, interlacing their fingers together. He looked at Eiji, and found his brown eyes speaking to him loud and clear:

_ “It’s going to be okay” _

He smiled fondly and squeezed his hand back.

After lunch, they said goodbye and promised to come back to take Mrs. Okumura to the airport in two days. She had decided to stay to get to know the blonde better the next day. Ash and Eiji started walking in silence, Eiji with a permanent soft smile on his lips. Once they came near the waterfront, Eiji stopped and rested his arms on the iron fence.

“Once you told me the story of a leopard when we were in a place like this” Eiji said looking at the horizon. “I felt scared that day. It seemed like you were ready to die”

Ash looked at the view in front of them, radiant and fresh. “I was. I thought I couldn’t change my fate”

Eiji turned to see him. “And now?” he asked, grabbing both of his hands. 

Ash felt the wind from the waterfront against the back of his red jacket, making long locks of his hair partly cover his face. Eiji was wearing his signature green coat and a white woolen sweater, his fluffy hair blown by the wind. He felt his heart melt and almost burst by those doe eyes waiting for an answer.

He knew now. He thought about his day so far: people he cared about, a carefree lunch, laughter and warmth. He took a deep breath. It was all worth it. He loved him like no other person had ever loved before. Death was right after all; he had died for him, but now, living for him was everything. He was willing to face and endure whatever life threw at him just like before, only this time he was not alone. He gave Eiji his most trusting smile, and a pair of half-lidded eyes full of devoted love. 

“I’m ready to live.” he assured him.

Eiji made his heart flutter again with a wide sunny smile as he pulled him closer. 

This was his afterlife; learning to live, and not just to survive. 

Needless to say, he had an amazing teacher by his side. 

*The End*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I ever finish one of my writings, and I feel very proud! Thank you so much to all the people who followed the story until the end. Also, thank you for leaving kudos, and a big hug to all the ones who took a minute to leave a comment. I felt really motivated when I read them. 
> 
> I've decided to write a sequel to this story, which will focus mainly on Ash's emotional and spiritual recovery. I hope to be able to post it soon, so stay tuned!
> 
> Also, if you want, you can follow me on Twitter as @Kamikama__ :)
> 
> Once again, thank you and I hope you enjoyed this journey with me!


End file.
